I shifted back and forth nervously in front of the door, biting my lower lip. This was stupid. It was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And I've done a lot of stupid things, so that goes to show how seriously stupid this was. I took a deep breath and knocked gently on the door.

After a wait of about 30 seconds, he opened the door. His hair was disheveled, and he was clad in nothing more than an old pair of sweatpants. He stared at me.

I gripped the handle of my suitcase nervously. "Um..."

Michael shook his head, squinting. "Maria?"

I stood in front of the door, frozen. "This was a bad idea," I mumbled, and fled down the hallway.

I didn't realize he was following me until I felt him grab my arm. I whirled around to face him, pulling my arm back.

"Wh...what are you doing here?"

"Being a horrible person," I said miserably, turning my back on him. This time, when I reached my car, he wasn't there.

***

"Maria?" Liz stood in the doorway, clean and clothed, quite a difference from Michael. Liz was always a morning person. Michael, obviously, was not.

"Yeah, uh, hi!" I said brightly. I felt like an idiot. This had really, really not been a good idea.

"Uh, what are you doing here?" she asked as politely as possible, running a hand through her dark, shiny hair.

I grinned at her sheepishly. "I sort of need a place to stay." Oh, God. I hate myself.

"Oh." She blinked. "Um, okay. We weren't really expecting you, so the guest room isn't exactly ready..."

"That's okay," I brushed it off. She stepped aside to let me in, and I set down my suitcase gratefully. "Thank you. So much."

"Um, yeah," she said, still somewhat bewildered. "What are you doing here?" she said bluntly.

I could tell her the truth, and have her think I was a freak; or I could lie to her about how much I missed her and just wanted to see her.

Oh well. Liz has pretty much always thought I was a freak.

"Adam and I are sort of having...problems," I said delicately.

Liz's hand flew instinctively to her mouth. Geez. It wasn't that big of a deal. "Problems?"

"Yeah, you know...the usual. So I decided we needed some time apart, and I sort of just up and left, and I didn't know of any hotels, and I've missed you, so I came here." Stop. Talking!

"Oh." I don't think Liz quite caught everything that I'd said during my bout of verbal diarrhea, but she didn't seem to notice how bad my hotel excuse had been. "But really...problems? That's horrible," she said sadly.

"Yeah. I lost my ring somehow, and things sort of blew up."

"Ring?" Liz looked confused, and I suddenly realized I hadn't told her.

"Um, yeah, I'm engaged?" I said meekly.

Liz was quiet. "You never told me that."

I nibbled on my lower lip nervously. "It was right around the time of your wedding, I didn't want to intrude..."

She held up a hand. "That's okay," she said quickly. "I understand."

I lowered my eyes to my hand, picking distractedly at a fingernail. Is this the person I've become? Betraying my soulmate and ignoring my best friend?

"The guest room's probably okay..." she said softly, gazing down the short hallway.

"Okay," I said meekly, picking up my suitcase and pulling it into the small room.

***

"Hello?"

"Adam, it's me. I just wanted to let you know...I'm here, I'm safe."

"Okay."

"I'll see you next week?"

"Okay."

"Adam..."

"Maria."

"What?"

"Please come home."

I was grateful that our conversation was taking place by phone and not face-to-face, or else he would see the tears filling my eyes. "I can't."

"I miss you."

"I can't come back yet, Adam," I whispered. "I need this. You need this."

"That's a bunch of bullshit, and you know it," he said softly.

I sat on the bed, staring at the phone in my hand. I could go home. I could go back to Roswell and be with Adam, marry him. We'd be sort of happy. I guess.

"I've gotta go," I sighed. "I'll talk to you soon." We exchanged our good-byes and hung up.

***

I opened the door and paused, leaving it only a crack opening. Max and Liz were in their room, talking about me.

"...just showed up?...Problems?"

"Yeah...did you know they're engaged?"

"No...oh, by the way, I stopped by Michael's..."

"Yeah?"

"He was really distracted..."

I shut the door gently, and then opened it again, making noise so that Max and Liz would realize I was coming out. I sat down on their sofa, casually flipping through the television channels.

Liz entered the room and sat beside me. "Feel up to going out for dinner tonight?"

"Sure," I agreed. "But you'll have to let me pay. For intruding, and all."

"No, no, that's okay," she insisted. "I think Max wanted to invite Michael, too..."

I fought the urge to run into their bedroom and rip Max's head off. Seeing Michael was the last thing I needed. I was here for some alone time, and while staying with Max and Liz made that difficult, alone time could be constituted as anything not involving Adam or Michael. Why did Max want to invite Michael, anyway? He was the one who'd warned me against any sort of involvement.

"He's um, the guy I was with at the wedding?"

"Yeah. He's usually free, so..." I nodded. That made sense. Seeing as how his soulmate was dead, and that he didn't seem to have any interest in other women besides me.

"So where we going?"

"Oh, I think you'll like it. It's called Mercutio's, this neat little place, it has Karaoke Night and everything..."

A little thrill rose up in the pit of my stomach. Karaoke...singing! I haven't performed since...well, not in a very long time. I hadn't taken Michael's advice and seeked out a venue, wary of how Adam might react. If he couldn't handle my week-long departure for even a day, he would hate the travelling that a singing career would involve.

I shook my head slightly. I was getting way ahead of myself here -- already planning out a major tour? Hah. Like I'd ever get that far, anyway.

I grinned at Liz. "Sounds cool."

*******

Michael didn't seem surprised when I showed up with Max and Liz at the cafe. I ended up next to him in our booth, much to my disgust, but not my surprise.

Every now and then our thighs would touch lightly, and I'd move away skittishly. Well, as skittish as it was possible to be while sitting in a booth. I knew that he noticed it too, from the small twitch that would form on his lips and the way he would spread his legs just a little wider each time.

I think I hated him.

I was nibbling on an onion ring when suddenly a stage I'd hardly noticed before lit up with blue and red lights, and a smarmy-looking young man in all black hopped up in front of the microphone. It was karaoke time.

Liz kicked me excitedly under the table. "Maria!"

"What?" I feigned innocence, taking a sip of my iced tea. I could see Michael looking at me out of the corner of his eye. Bastard.

"You know!" she said frustratedly. "Get up there. Now!"

"Liz," I moaned. "I don't wanna."

Max gave me one of his goofy grins. "Come on, Maria. Liz has told me all about your karaoke days." He wiggled his eyebrows. "I hear you were the star of the show."

"Leave her alone." I turned my head in shock. This was the first time Michael had added anything real to the conversation all night. His voice was slightly bored. "She obviously doesn't think she can do it."

I felt myself grow indignant. "Excuse me?" Wasn't this the same guy who wanted me to go out and find myself a recording deal without even hearing me sing? "I can do it, thank you very much." I flushed slightly as I realized how my protest had come out.

Michael raised a sly eyebrow, and then shrugged. "Then prove it."

I gave him one last glare, and then gave a pointed look to the couple across from me. "I guess I have to defend my honor," I sighed.

Liz grinned and began to clap, soon joined by Max. Michael just kept giving me that challenging stare. Y'know, it was funny...I was actually having a good time that night. With Liz and Max. Maybe Liz's previous bitchiness had just been a stage. And maybe Max had never really been a bad guy in the first place.

I whispered in the dj's ear the song I wanted, and he gave me a quick grin and a thumbs-up. I had picked the most-performed song in karaoke history, and it was incredibly cliched, but that was okay. It fit my defiant mood, and I knew I could do a killer job of it. I smiled sweetly as the first strains began to play.

***

Max and Liz were on their feet cheering when I returned to the table. Michael had a sly little grin on his face. I knew that he'd intentionally provoked me to go up there; and I was okay with it. Tonight was about...cutting loose.

"That was amazing!" Liz shrieked. I gave her a big grin. I'd really gone all out up there, belting out the lyrics without a care.

"Gloria Gaynor pales in comparison," Max said.

"Aw, thanks," I giggled. I smacked Michael lightly on the arm. "How about you? Still think I can't do it?"

"I never said you couldn't," he replied. "I said you didn't think you could," he added in a lower voice.

"Well, I did," I retorted. In that moment, sitting there, the four of us, I had a sudden mental flash of how it could be. Max and Liz and Michael and I, double dating, a little group of best friends. Happy. In love. It was gone almost as soon as it appeared, but it left an imprint on my mind.

I shook my head slightly and took a swig of my drink. "Okay, who's next?"

"Oh no," Liz laughed. "No way. Not ever."

"Come on," Max teased her, pulling her by the arm. "Oh, come on. Just do one with me...please..."

I smiled appreciatively as I watched their banter. They were cute together, sort of, once they got over the sickly sweet soulmate stares and pet names. I watched them a bit longer. Okay, maybe not cute, exactly...I cupped my chin in my hand and watched as Max practically dragged Liz up onto the stage.

"You were good."

I glanced at Michael. "Thanks." Turning away from him, I concentrated on the stage, where Max and Liz were bumbling their way through an old love song. Yeesh. They could use some pointers. I could feel Michael's eyes boring into the back of my head.

Suddenly I felt hot breath on my neck. "How's Adam doing?"

I flinched, but held my gaze on the stage. "Just fine."

"Why are you here?"

"I..." You. "I needed a little vacation." I could practically feel him smirk behind me.

"I think you need more than a vacation."

I rolled my eyes and moved to the edge of the booth, away from Michael, watching the performers intently.

I grinned and clapped loudly when Max and Liz were finished. Liz's face was beet red and Max looked about to collapse. "Very nice, guys," I teased as they slid into the booth.

"I am never, ever doing that again," Liz moaned.

The four of us chatted for a bit longer before Max decided to change the subject. "So, Maria, you find your ring yet?"

I choked a little on my soda. Thanks for reminding me, Max. "No," I sighed. I really didn't know where it had gone. The last time I remembered taking it off was when I was here, in Marathon...but I'd had it on again when I returned to Roswell.

"Maria's getting married, you know," Max said enthusiastically, looking pointedly at Michael. Suddenly I realized why Max had invited him. God, Max was so clueless. Michael already knows, you moron.

Michael raised his eyebrows and drummed his fingertips on the table casually.

"She and Adam are really an adorable couple," Liz pitched in. Great, so she was in on it too. Not that "it" would really accomplish anything, but I definitely didn't want to sit through it. "God, it's so sweet watching them together..." Bitch. She's never even seen him.

"You know," I interrupted, standing. "I feel like dancing." Wow, that doesn't sound the least bit cheesy. "Michael?"

Michael smirked and stood next to me, slinging an arm across my shoulders. "Sure." I pulled him out into the small crowd as quickly as possible. Honestly. Why do I seem to end up in the same situations over and over and over again?

"What was that about?" he murmured, running his hands lightly over my hips. It was all I could do not to just drag him off into a dark corner and...Don't finish that thought. Adam. Adam. Adam.

"What, them?" I jerked my head towards Max and Liz. "They're afraid I'm...getting involved with you. Or something."

"Max always was a smart guy," Michael responded, the corner of his mouth quirking slightly.

"Shut up. We're nothing," I said, though my voice lacked much conviction.

Michael didn't answer, just continued dancing until finally I stepped away.

"My feet hurt," I said with a sigh. I was also tired from driving all day.

"I'll take you home," was his immediate response. Figures.

"No," I protested, pushing his hand away. "I'm going home with Max and Liz. And I am not going to see you again." I moved quickly through the crowd, away from Michael, but I could just barely hear him call to me over the music.

"Not if I can help it."

*******

"It's getting kind of late...I don't want to sound like a party pooper or anything, but...d'you think we could..."

Liz looked concerned immediately. "Of course! God, I forgot, Maria, you must have been driving all morning."

"No no no, it's okay," I assured her. "I'm just a little sleepy, that's all. You guys don't mind...?"

"No," Max took a quick glance at Michael, who had finally appeared behind me. "Michael, we're gonna head out. That okay with you?"

Michael took a long look at me and then shrugged. "Yeah. See you later." He grabbed his jacket and was gone.

Liz smiled cheerfully and led the way out of the cafe.

***

"So, uh, what the hell was that all about?" I demanded the moment we stepped through the door.

A confused look spread across Liz's face as she slipped her shoes off and left them by the door. "What was what about?"

"Oh, she and Adam are such a cute couple," I mimicked. I'd worked up quite a bit of animosity towards my hosts on the car ride back to the apartment. Probably not the best way to feel towards the people who are providing you with shelter unannounced, but it was how I felt, nonetheless.

Liz shrugged innocently. "I -"

"You've never even met Adam. You've never seen him," I said through gritted teeth.

"Whoa, calm down, Maria," Max said soothingly, laying a hand on my arm. "Look, we didn't want Michael getting any wrong ideas, you know? Remember what I was telling you last time you were here?"

"I think whether or not Michael gets any 'wrong' ideas is between Michael and I, don't you agree?" I demanded. "I don't need your help."

Liz bit her lip. "But Maria, we just -"

"No, I don't want to hear it," I said, holding up a hand. "I think I'm going to find a hotel to stay in, okay? Not to be rude, but I'd rather be alone tonight." Liz and Max watched me silently as I stalked into the guest room and shut the door.

***

"Hey."

"Hey. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"Max and/or Liz problems?"

"Gee, how'd you guess?"

"It's Max and Liz."

"True." I worked up a small laugh. Michael ran a hand through his hand and waved his hand around his apartment.

"Sleep where you wish," he said. "But I'm not opposed to you sharing a bed with me, of course."

I shook my head tiredly. "I...forget it. I'm not in the mood, I..." I sighed. "More importantly, I'm in a committed relationship. And I'm also sick of you."

Michael feigned hurt. "Ouch," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for letting me stay," I said in a smaller voice.

"That's okay," he said, smirking slightly. "Well, feel free to the couch, or whatever. I'll be in there if you need me." He pointed to the bedroom, wiggling his eyebrows before leaving me alone in the living room.

I collapsed onto the couch without even opening my bags and promptly fell asleep.

*******

I awoke to the smell of scrambled eggs and bacon. How cliched. Vaguely noticing that I'd slept in my clothes, I fumbled into the small kitchen, where Michael was poised over the stove, spatula in hand.

He turned his head when I entered the room. "Morning."

"Morning," I yawned, covering my mouth quickly with my hand. "I didn't know you cook."

"I don't." Then, as if to prove his point, some of the grease from the bacon spattered onto his forearm. "Shit!" he hissed, dropping his spatula. I giggled.

"How about I cook that for you," I suggested, recovering the spatula from the floor and flipping the bacon expertly.

"There's an idea," he mumbled, rubbing his arm protectively.

"Baby." I rolled my eyes. Grease doesn't hurt that much.

"Want to kiss it for me?"

I placed my hands on my hips and glared. "No."

He shrugged innocently. "Just a suggestion."

Michael managed to finish the eggs by himself, and soon we were seated at the table in a somewhat comfortable silence. His eyes kept darting from his plate to me, plate, me, plate, me. "Okay, what?" I finally demanded.

"What what?"

"You keep staring at me."

"Oh." He shrugged. "I don't know." I sighed internally, knowing that would be the best answer I'd ever get from him.

"Liz and Max probably -"

"I guess -- I like the way...you look...sitting in my kitchen in the morning," Michael interrupted suddenly. I stared at him. His eyes were averted from mine, trained somewhere on the wall. "I like the idea of you being here every morning."

I swallowed. "But I'm not," I said softly.

"I know," he replied. "It's...wishful thinking."

My face softened. "Michael..." I reached out and gently touched his arm. His eyes rose to meet mine; and I stopped thinking. I slid from my chair into his lap and rested my hands on his shoulders, kissing him gently.

He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist. Suprisingly, we remained under control, the kiss soft and sweet and romantic. I pulled away, gasping a little for air.

I leaned forward and nuzzled his ear gently. "I want you," I whispered into his ear. Michael didn't answer, and I opened them again. He looked at me with those darkening eyes and kissed me again, harder, picking me up and carrying me into the bedroom.

***

"I don't know what I should do..." I mumbled, tracing a pattern onto Michael's chest with one fingertip. He caught my hand and stroked it gently with his thumb.

"You can't ask me that question," he said seriously. "Because you know what my answer will be."

I smiled faintly. "Yeah, I know," I admitted. "It would be nice hearing from someone else that I'm going to do the right thing, though."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm..." I took a deep breath and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't know."

This was the third time I'd slept with Michael. It was getting to be quite a habit, really. This time, though, I didn't feel so guilty. I didn't feel the sickness that rose in the pit of my stomach when I realized that I'd just betrayed my soulmate.

I rested my head comfortably on Michael's shoulder and closed my eyes, snuggling into the covers. In my mind, I'd made my decision.

I'm never going to cheat on him again.

***

"What are you doing?"

I looked up from my suitcase. "Um...packing."

"Why?" Michael sat beside me on the sofa, leaning forward to watch me.

I sighed and propped myself against the edge of the couch. "I told Adam I was going to stay with Liz," I said. "And I'm going to keep that promise as best I can."

"You're going back there?" His eyes clouded with confusion. "But -"

"No, I'm going back to Roswell," I interrupted. "That way I don't have to go back to Liz's, and I won't be here with you behind his back any longer."

Michael was silent. "Stay," he finally said, his eyes pleading. I shook my head firmly.

"No. I'm going back, there's no point in my being here any longer."

Michael swallowed. His mouth fell open as if he were about to speak, but no words came out. I smiled and turned back to my suitcase. Nice to know I could make him speechless every now and then.

There really wasn't much to pack, and I was done within seconds. I stood up and brushed off my jeans. Michael took my cue and grabbed my suitcase, following me to the door. Suddenly he stopped.

"Wait," he said. "I have something for you."

I frowned slightly. "What?" But he had already disappeared into his bedroom. I heard some shuffling, and moments later he reappeared, his fist curled tightly around something I couldn't see.

"Here." He opened his palm in front of me. On it lay my engagement ring. I touched it gently with one finger and looked up at him.

"You had it...?"

"Yeah," he admitted sheepishly. "Um, after...by your...mom's house," he said, lowering his voice. I felt a hot blush creep up my neck. "I don't know why I kept it."

I took the ring and looked at it carefully, finally tucking it into my pocket. "Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe it was fate."

Michael lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Maybe."

I looked up at him and felt the question form in my throat. "Why me?" I blurted out.

He paused. "I don't know," he whispered. "It...we clicked."

"Even though we're not soulmates," I murmured.

"Yeah..." We stood in quiet contemplation for a few moments, just mulling over it in our heads. Had anything like this happened before? Were we a special case? Finally I came back to reality.

"I'll...see you," I said quietly, and with a quick kiss on the cheek, left.

*******

I stood outside the door hesitantly, my key gripped tightly in my hand. Adam wasn't expecting me for another few days...I could get a room at the Tumbleweed, hang out with room service and cable for a little longer. I sighed. Why was I so nervous to see my soulmate, of all people?

Turning the handle slowly, I let the door fall open and carefully picked up my suitcases. I shut the door quietly behind me and stood motionless in the middle of the living room.

Adam wasn't home -

"Maria?"

Nevermind. He was. He was home, and he'd appeared from the kitchen, and now a huge, silly grin was spreading across his face. Within seconds he had me wrapped up in a tight hug.

"I missed you," he proclaimed, kissing me hard on the lips. I kissed back for a few moments and then pulled away.

"I..." I swallowed. "I want to talk to you."

"Yeah, okay," he agreed breathlessly, pulling me down onto the couch. "Tell me about seeing Liz. Why are you home early?"

I choked out a laugh. "You're awfully eager," I commented softly.

"I'm...I'm just so excited that you're back," he said, grasping my hand and rubbing it softly. "You can't imagine what it's like here without you," he added quietly.

I looked down at our entwined hands, resting innocently on my lap. Hands that were made to be held. Hands that were meant to be together. His larger, coarser fingers stroked my palm gently, reassuringly. Security, devotion, love...I sighed.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said, not quite meeting his eyes.

"You said that already." Adam nodded, a smile still gracing his handsome face.

"Yeah, I know," I whispered. "I um...I don't really know what to say."

"Well, I'm ready and waiting," he said cheerfully, though I think my somber mood had somewhat dulled his enthusiasm.

"I...I haven't been honest with you, Adam," I said quietly, tears beginning to pool in my eyes. On a whim, I slid my hand into my back pocket and withdrew the ring.

I placed it gently on his thigh. Adam held it up in front of his face, and looked at me. "You found it?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Well, here," he said, pulling my hand out of my lap. "Why didn't you -"

"No, Adam," I said, retracting my hand from where he'd been ready to place the ring upon it. "I..."

Adam seemed frozen. Finally he began to frown. "You don't..."

"Adam, I care about you," I whispered tearfully. "I do. So much. But I am not in love with you."

He didn't respond, just sat there, staring at me. It was unnerving.

"I can't marry you. I can't live the rest of my life with you...and I've been seeing another man."

Silence.

"I am so sorry." My hand flew up to my mouth, and my body shuddered slightly as I tried to hold in the sobs. I turned away, not wanting him to see me cry.

A few moments later I glanced back at him. His face was set hard, emotionless. I had no idea what he was thinking. "God, aren't you...aren't you going to say anything?" I whispered before I could stop myself. My eyes opened wider and I clamped my hand over my mouth, regretting my words. How could I say that to him?

A disbelieving little smirk formed on Adam's lips. "What would you like me to say, Maria? How would you like me to react?" His voice increased in volume with each word. "Just tell me, and I'll do it. God knows I've done every single fucking thing I can for you, and God knows I'd do it again in a second." He shook his head bitterly. "Okay, so I'm a dumbass. But I loved you, Maria." One more cold, steely look into my eyes, and he stood up. "I love you."

I watched him leave me, shutting the bedroom door quietly and calmly, almost like nothing was wrong. Fresh tears brimmed over my eyes again and I pressed my fist against my mouth, trying to hold in the wails that threatened to break loose into the air.

I, Maria DeLuca, had just broken my soulmate's heart. And beneath all the agony and guilt, the devastation and disappointment I felt in myself...

Some horrible, tiny little piece of me was glad.

***

"Adam?" I called softly through the crack in the door. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Finally Adam's form took shape in the dark, a lump in the bed, his back to me. He didn't answer me.

"I um..." I took a deep breath. "I know that this isn't going to make it any better for you...and I have absolutely no excuse but for my own selfishness...but you're a good man and -"

"What could I do..." he suddenly spoke, shifting slightly in his position. "What could I do to make you love me? I was perfect," he trailed off, sounding defeated.

"It's not your fault," I said quietly. "It's me. You are perfect, I guess...I guess I don't want perfect. I am not perfect."

"You're my soulmate, Maria," he said, his voice growing more desperate. "You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be anything, you just have to be here."

"I can't do that to you." I shook my head slowly, gently easing myself onto the bed to sit beside him. "Adam, if I stayed here with you...I'd be miserable. I'd make you miserable."

"We could work it out -"

"No." I hushed him with a gentle touch to the arm. "We couldn't. And you deserve a lot better than someone like me."

"I don't want someone better."

"I don't care what you want," I said. "I care about what you need. And I care about what I need. And I hate saying this, but..." I brushed his cheek gently with my hand. "We don't need each other."

We locked eyes, and I slowly brushed my lips against his cheek for the last time. I left the room quietly and staggered back to the couch.