Part 11
FAIR
But it's all wrong, you're so strong
This life's work
And choice took far too long
-remy zero-
Not surprisingly, I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to
sleep. I find my way into the kitchen and decide to make myself some tea.
Putting the kettle on the stove, I sink down in a chair and rest my head on the
table. Just as the kettle begins to wail, my mom waltzes into the kitchen and
removes it from the burner. Impeccable timing as usual. My mom has this radar
for whenever I'm upset- especially for when I'm upset and really don't want to
talk about it. Like now.
"Can't sleep, baby?" She sets a steaming mug of tea in front of me and has one
for herself.
I lift my head from the table and inhale the steam wafting from my mug. "Nope."
"Is Scott asleep?" I can't help the exasperated look that crosses my face at the
mention of the current situation. Great, now I'm going to have to tell her.
Now's as good of a time as any, I suppose. Hell, I should just take out an ad in
the newspaper. I have a feeling that would be the easier route.
"No. Scott left."
"Left? Where did he go?" Mom looks concerned now and scoots her chair closer to
mine, ready to listen.
"He went to stay at a hotel. We're breaking up, Mom." I don't think my mom could
look more shocked if I just told her I'm carrying an alien/human hybrid. Well,
in that case she'd probably just laugh and give me a drug test.
"What? Why? I never thought you two had any problems! What did he do? I'll kill
him if he hurt you, I swear I will…" She continues on with a barrage of
questions and remarks and suddenly I can emphasize with Michael and everyone
else who gets annoyed when I babble in a crisis.
"Mom. Listen. It wasn't Scott's fault at all. It's me. I screwed up. I hurt
him." I meet her eyes and she doesn't seem to understand me. Of course, this is
my mother who, where men are concerned at least, thinks I can do no wrong. It's
always their fault.
"What are you talking about?"
"I cheated on him, Mom." Somehow, it's easiest to tell this to my Mom who I know
will love me no matter what. Well, she may hate me a little for it, but she
won't disown me. I hope.
"You WHAT?" I'm forced to cover my ears again.
"Mom! Quiet!"
She lowers her voice a little. "You cheated on Scott? Why? When? Who?"
Taking a deep breath, I answer, letting it all out. "Yes. It started over a year
ago because I don't love Scott and never did. I'm still in love with Michael,
Mom. And it's his baby, not Scott's."
I think this is the first time my mom is rendered completely speechless.
"Mom? Say something. You're scaring me." I reach out and touch her arm, hoping I
haven't caused her to go into a catatonic state or something.
"Maria…I don't believe this." She looks at me and I instantly feel horrible all
over again. It's a thing with moms, they always know how to make you cry no
matter what the situation is. So, of course, I burst into tears.
"I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm such a horrible disappointment of a daughter."
"Oh, honey. No. Ssshh." She pulls me into her arms and strokes my hair. I let
myself cry some more into her embrace. "It's okay, Maria. It's all going to work
out."
After a few minutes, I pull away sniffling. "Do you hate me?"
"Of course not. You're my daughter. I love you. I don't think what you did is
right, but I could never hate you for it." She gives me a stern look and strokes
my hand.
"I feel so bad for how I treated Scott. But Mom, I couldn't imagine spending the
rest of my life with him. I was suffocating." I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and
begin to trace circles on the table. "I know you probably hate Michael but I
love him, Mom. So much."
"If you love him, then I love him." She smiles at me. Relieved, I take a deep
breath.
"Thank you, Mom."
"How did Scott take it?"
I shrug and sniffle. "He was pretty heartbroken. We have to talk more tomorrow.
I just hope he can move on. I really never wanted to hurt him."
"I know, baby. You'll talk things through and figure it all out."
Suddenly tired again, I yawn loudly and my Mom pats my hand.
"You should get some sleep."
"Yeah." I nod and start to clean up our mess.
"Don't worry about it, Maria."
"Thanks, Mom. For everything." We smile and she kisses me on the cheek.
"Now, understand that I will need to have a long chat with Michael about all of
this. And you will have to explain more to me about what possessed you to ever
cheat on Scott. But that can wait until later, okay?"
"Okay." There's the Mom I know and love. "Goodnight, Mom."
"Night, sweetie."
I trudge off to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. Just as I'm about to
change into my pajamas, there's a knock on the window. Michael.
I hurry over and let him in, gesturing for him to be quiet. My mom was forgiving
a few minutes ago, but I don't think she'd take kindly to finding Michael in my
room tonight.
"Michael? What are you doing here?" I whisper, helping him through the window.
"I was worried about you." His eyes are soft in the dim light of my room and my
heart goes a little weak at his concern. He steps over and pulls me into a tight
hug. One hand strokes my hair and the other makes smooth circles on the small of
my back. I give myself up to his warm embrace and let all the tension and
nervous energy I'd been feeling slowly fade away. Now I'm completely exhausted.
"Bed." I manage out between yawns. Michael scoops me up into his arms and
carries me to my bed. How romantic. He lays me gently down and moves to back
away. "No. Stay." I don't want to be alone right now but my fatigue has reduced
my vocabulary to single syllable words.
"Maria, I shouldn't." He doesn't move though and lets his hand trace my cheek.
I'm so tired.
"Please." That's all I have to say and he quickly strips his sweater and jeans
off and slides into bed next to me wearing only boxers and a t-shirt. I want to
ask him to take off his shirt so I can feel his strong chest and smooth skin but
I'm too sleepy. I cuddle up next to him, immediately feeling my eyes droop shut.
"Goodnight, Maria." He kisses my forehead and pulls me as close as possible. I
mumble something in response and fall into a deep sleep.
***
I wake up the next morning to an empty bed. I'm a little disappointed but I know
Michael just left to avoid my mother and her unforgiving newspaper. Glancing
down, I realize I'm no longer in the clothes I fell asleep in but the t-shirt
Michael wore over to my house. Hmm. Did I miss something last night? Looking
over my room, I notice my blouse and skirt neatly folded on top of my overnight
bag. Michael must have changed me last night. Too bad I was too tired to
remember. My stomach growls and my baby kicks signaling that I overslept past my
normal breakfast time.
I pad into the kitchen to find a plate of fruit and a bowl of granola set out
for me along with a note:
Maria-
Hope you feel okay this morning, darling. Jim and I went to eat brunch with the
Parkers at the Crashdown. Here's some breakfast for you. Call us if you need
anything!
Love and hugs,
Mom and Jim
PS- We will talk tonight.
Digging into my cereal, I let myself forget for a few minutes the drama my life
has morphed into and instead focus on the "Tips for healthy living" listed on
the back of the granola box. About five minutes into my quiet time, someone
knocks on the door. I sigh and wonder if I can get away with not answering it.
Most likely it's Isabel or Liz coming to yell/check up on me. I wish it were
Michael but I know he wouldn't just show up here.
The person knocks again so I heft myself up from my chair and shuffle over to
the door. So much for a peaceful breakfast. Flinging open the door, I'm stunned
to find Scott standing there. I hadn't expected him back so soon.
"Scott." I can't help the shock that's evident in my voice and expression. He
looks so much different- broken, almost. And it's all my fault. I step aside and
let him follow me into the living room. I curl up on the couch while he sits
stiffly in the armchair. He's wearing the same clothes from last night and the
dark circles under his eyes reveal he hasn't slept at all. I want to apologize
again but I know that's probably the last thing Scott wants to hear right now,
so I wait for him to start.
"Maria, I thought all night about this." He starts off slow, his eyes looking
anywhere but at me. I notice him visibly go white when his eyes rest on a
painting Michael gave my mom for Christmas senior year of high school. It's
small, but stands out because of all the vibrant colors he used to paint me as a
little girl playing in a sandbox. My mom loves it and I wouldn't let her get rid
of it after we broke up. She probably doesn't even remember Michael painted it.
Scott knows though. Suddenly, I remember I'm wearing Michael's shirt. I'm sure
there's no way Scott could ever tell it's Michael's, as it's a simple gray
shirt, but still, I feel even more guilty. I drape a blanket over most of my
body and wait for Scott to continue.
He gets a tiny grin on his face and turns to me, "Remember when we first started
dating? You were always so surprised and flattered when I brought you flowers or
a gift."
I nod and smile. "It was a new thing for me."
"I remember when you told me about Michael and your relationship. You would
always get this far off look in your eyes and I knew he was the love of your
life, even if he never brought you flowers. It was written all over your face."
Scott looks away from me again; his voice begins to waver. "I never assumed to
think you would love me like him but I thought you'd at least be happy with me."
"Scott, I'm so sorry." I feel a few tears slip down my cheek and wish I could
make that forlorn look disappear off his face. He looks up at me with an
apologetic smile and reaches out for my hand. I let him squeeze it and we both
share a few tears. "I never wanted to hurt you, Scott, you have to believe me."
"I know. But you did, Maria. And I'll never be able to forgive you for that."
His face hardens a little and his eyes turn cold, but there's still a hint of
the sweet Scott that I married underneath it all which comforts me a little. I
nod in understanding. I would never want him to forgive me for this.
"What do we do now?" I wish I had a plan, but I have no idea what comes next.
Sighing, Scott runs his hand through his hair. "I'll head back to Santa Fe today
and draw up the divorce papers. I'm sure we can make quick work of this."
"Okay." I don't know what else to say.
"There is one condition I have, however. I want to have my own doctor do a
paternity test. I know someone who can do it quickly. I'll let you go, Maria,
but there's no way I'll abandon this child without knowing for sure." Scott has
put on his lawyer façade. His hands are clasped and his face void of emotion.
It's all about the negotiations now.
"You're just going to test the baby's DNA against yours, right?" I feel the
panic rising in my throat. Liz told me once that her baby's cells looked
entirely human unless you knew to look for the alien stuff, so I'm willing to
let Scott do the test. But there's no way Michael's non-human status would go
unnoticed.
Scott's face darkens even more and his tone is sarcastic, which is a new thing
for him. "Worried about the results?"
I snap my eyes at him, angry at his implications. "No."
He shakes his head and looks away. I hope I didn't make him cry. Please, don't
let me have made him cry. "When can you be back to Santa Fe to take care of
things?"
"I'll have my Mom and Jim drive me tomorrow."
Scott nods in response and stands up to leave. He just looks tired now,
defeated. I feel the ever-present guilt start to build in me again, it burns at
my heart. "I guess that's it then."
"Yeah."
We walk in silence to the door. Before leaving, Scott turns around and studies
me. "I hope you're happy, Maria."
I stare up at him, bewildered. He doesn't say it in a sarcastic or mean tone-
he's serious. He gives me another weak smile and walks out. Closing the door
behind him, I let out a soul-deep sigh of relief. Thank God that's over. Heading
off for the shower, I can't help the tiny grin that plays on my lips. Sure,
there's still a cloak of guilt over my soul because of Scott, but now, there's
finally hope.