Once upon a time, among distance shores of rocky shoal and crashing waves, was a kingdom by the sea. In this kingdom lived a ruler whose life had left him long ago. He had traded it for pieces of gold and what he considered the chance of a lifetime. Though he achieved success, he learned that all the riches of the world couldn’t bring warmth back into his empty soul. And at dawn he would turn away and look inward wondering about his young princess for the first time in a long time since he had left her trapped in a principality surrounded by a sea of desert. She and she alone was his heir. Struck down by illness still early in life, he surveyed all that he held in his hands and found them surprisingly empty. So he, the lonely ruler, in a lonely land, looked toward landlocked places and thought of his princess, for she was all the sons and all the daughters that he would ever have, and yet he was nothing more but a forgotten memory.

*****

Maria sat tying ribbons on Christmas items in her mother store and thought of a world, any world that was not Roswell. Before Destiny blew up all their lives, Roswell had been tolerable, a sort of place to live, to grow up in, and finally to leave. But this last fall had made Roswell intolerable. Living, getting up every day, remembering to breathe, remembering to care was becoming harder and harder. For the first time since she was a child she looked down that long endless road that led out of Roswell, looking, hoping for that long awaited chariot to come and deliver her from a life that couldn’t be hers. All she saw was the endless, vast wasteland of a never-ending ocean of desert. And so, she waited. Cloistered in a world created by her own wants and desires surrounded by high walls of iron forged by her own pain, she existed.

Amy watched her daughter from the doorway. It was hard to reconcile this lone waiflike creature from the vivid and vibrant person she’d been a mere year ago. The life had been sucked out of her, trampled, stolen. Amy knew that other noticed that changes just as much as she did. This was more than just a broken heart; it was anguish. They all tried to talk to her, but none could understand her enough to reach the wounds that kept paining Maria. For every step forward they made, she took two back. Amy was worried because everyday Maria turned her head to the northwest and closed her eyes almost as if inside she could hear a siren’s song calling her, the missing Lorelei, home. Amy couldn’t remember the last time she felt this afraid.

*****

Isabel and Liz both watched Maria coming towards them from across the room. She was carrying a diet coke in one hand a paper in the other. They had agreed to meet at the CrashDown for lunch, but getting Maria to eat much these days was next to impossible. The entire gang noticed that if they could discretely put food in front of her she would absentmindedly eat it with out thinking, but if they asked her if she wanted food she would just comment on how she wasn’t hungry. Before their very eyes, she was becomes more and more ghostly, almost otherworldly. Isabel noticed it first a few weeks ago when they were shopping for Christmas presents at the mall. Maria had tried on a dress that seemed to be way to big on her. Isabel looked at the label and was shocked to see just how small Maria really was. She’d lost so much weight since last summer. Isabel watched Michael watching her from a distance. The worry in his eyes kept getting more and more concentrated.

“What do you’ve got there, Maria?” Liz was curious about the paper that Maria seemed fascinated with.

“It’s a letter I received from a law firm in Albuquerque. I’m sort of curious why someone or some law firm would want to get in touch with me. With my luck it’ll be about something I borrowed and forgot to return, and now the rightful owner is demanding it back.” Maria frowned at the paper for its lack of any real information. “Here look at this Liz and tell me what you think I should do?”

Liz took the legal letterhead and angled it so Isabel could read at the same time. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Isabel had shoved her plate of fries by Maria almost discretely. Maria kept up a steady stream of conversation as she started eating the fries.

“It has to be something really bad. I mean my life doesn’t go much in the avenue of good. I mean just today my mom gave me her schedule that she wants me to follow in helping her out at the store over the winter break. It bad enough wearing a pair of antennae on my head here, but then add in the pushing of plastic aliens in Santa suits and the depth of horrific that my life has descended to becomes too apparent.”

Maria continued to munch on the fries while watching her friends read the letter. They needed salt and more ketchup, the fries, not her friends. Maria felt her thoughts slipping away to another place. Amazing how hard it was to keep her thoughts focused now days. Michael was working in the kitchen tonight. He came out from behind the counter carrying a plate. He sat it down in front of Maria, “eat,” and with a gentle squeeze to her shoulder he went back to work. Even though they were over, in the last semester they seemed to have found a way to become friends, but his treatment of her lately was puzzling. He almost seemed tender and concerned. Maria hardened her heart; no it’s not that, it’s her imagination. No more wishing for dreams that don’t come true, hoping for things that can never happen. It’s over, and if she told herself a few hundred thousand times over the next ten years, she might even come to accept it.

Maria picked up the burger and started eating. “Maria, what did your mother say about this letter?”

“Nothing.” Maria swallowed her food fast and took a sip of her soda. “She wasn’t home when it came. It was addressed to me, so I opened it.”

“Maybe it’s about your father?” Maria finished her burger and laughed out loud, and not without a little bitterness.

“Hardly. He hasn’t found a need to contact me in ten years, then why now?” She saw the sympathy in both Isabel and Liz’s eyes. Smiling without any real humor reaching her eyes, she finished the fries and soda moving the trash into one pile.

“Look. It’s okay. I’ve learned to deal with major disappointments in my life, all at the grand age of seventeen. I just know that this isn’t my life. Out there is someone living my perfectly wonderful life and they stuck me with his or her pathetic one. I’m going to find them someday and demand my real life back, but until then, I guess I make lemonade.” Getting up and brushing the crumbs from her clothes she gave them a smile of encouragement. “I better go find my mom. Don’t worry. I’m fine. I’m just fine.”

They watched Maria leave after she tossed money on the table to cover her food and took her letter. Michael who had been watching from behind the counter came out to join Liz and Isabel. He checked the plate to make sure she ate everything.

“Is she okay?” Michael asked looking at the door where Maria had just disappeared through. He’d spent endless hours trying to get back into her good graces, to talk her into letting him back into her life. He made some headway in that they were now friends again, but he wanted more, a hell of a lot more.

“She says so. But, no, no she’s not. Michael can’t you find a way to talk to her, get her to tell you what’s wrong?”

“Sorry Liz, I tried, but she has these rules now. One of them is about inter-species fraternization. I guess you can say that my wanting to keep her away, and her wanting to be close was a war we fought, and I won. Now I wonder if I really won anything. All I want is her back. This friend, Maria is okay, but the old Maria seemed so much more alive. This new Maria seems so far away and she becomes fainter and fainter everyday. I can’t reach her.” And under his breath he said, “I can’t touch her.” Michael looked at the empty door where Maria had left through feeling more helpless than he could remember. “I don’t know how to fix this or if it’s even fixable.”

“It has to be. I can’t believe that love can’t conquer everything.”

“Ask Maria, Liz. I really don’t know that much about love. What I do know is what I feel for her. I wish she would let me back in. Ironically, now I’m the one who wants to be close, and she’s the one who is holding back. The worse thing is, this was what I told her I wanted, and I just didn’t know how wrong I would be and how right she was.”

They watched Michael walking away with his head turned still watching the door. It remained closed and empty. No Maria.

*****

“Mom?”

“In the back, honey.” Maria heard her mother’s voice coming from the back of the store. She must be in the storage room. It was an adventure into why some petroleum by-products were a bad thing. Plastic, it was all about plastic. “What are you doing here? You don’t work today.”

“I know. Look mom, this came in the mail today.” She handed the letter over to her mother. “What do you think it means?”

“Maria…” Amy looked out the store window almost afraid that someone was out there watching, waiting to come in and take away her most prized possession. “I think it has to do with your father.”

“No. Let me see that.” Maria took the letter and reread the information. “Where’re you getting that from, mom? It doesn’t mention his name anywhere.”

“An old friend sent this to me over a month ago.” Amy reached into her bag and took out a newspaper clipping that was folded and worn from being unfolded, read, and then refolded. Maria sat down next to her mother to read the article. It was an obituary clipped from a Northwestern newspaper announcing a death.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Maria looked into her mother’s eyes for the truth, waiting while holding her breath.

“Yes. It’s your dad.” Amy watched Maria’s face close down into a blank look that she was getting use to seeing over the past few months.

“Were you going to tell me?” Maria spoke in a low voice barely loud enough to be heard. “Ever?”

“I was trying to find a good time. This isn’t easy for me either.” Amy took Maria’s arm and pulled her around to face her. “You’ve waited your whole life for him to come back for you. It’s been one of your greatest dreams, and after losing Michael over this last summer. I just didn’t know how to destroy another one.”

“I think I need to go think about this for a while, okay.” Maria started to leave the shop. Turning around to look at her mom one more time. “You know, everything in my life seems to be telling me that it’s time for me to stop waiting for someone to come and save me from this existence. Maybe it’s time for me to take over and learn to save myself.”

“Maria…” Amy looked at her helpless.

“You know what mom?”

“What?”

“The best way to make a dream come true is to wake up and stop dreaming the dream, and start living it. I’ve been sleeping my entire life. I think I’ve just woke up.” With that Maria left the shop. Amy just watched her go holding the newspaper clipping in her hand. Why didn’t you come back for her before it was too late? Why didn’t you come back for both of us? Amy never felt the tears drying on her own cheeks. Maria was right. Maybe it was time to wake up.

*****

“Hello? Hi. No, I haven’t. Do you want me to help look? Okay. Will you have her call me when she gets home? Thanks, Ms. DeLuca.” Liz hung up the phone and looked at Alex and the others listening in to her phone call.

“What was the about Liz? Is something wrong with Maria?” Alex moved closer looking worried. Maria was his major area of concern lately. She was just not herself. The Maria they all knew had died last spring, and this new Maria was a ghostly imitation.

“She’s missing.” Liz didn’t notice Michael’s startled reaction, nor Max’s.

“What? For how long?” Max and Michael both moved closer.

“Her mom says she got some bad news today, and took off to think. That was about four hours ago, and she’s worried.”

“So, it’s not…” Max asked, having to know. It didn’t matter to Michael why Maria was missing as much as she was missing.

“No. She wasn’t abducted or anything. I wonder where she went. Alex, any ideas?”

“The quarry? We use to go there a lot last spring.”

“How about the old abandon mine? Or remember that swimming spot we found on the old highway. I mean, I know it dried up years ago, but Maria always liked it there.” Liz started chewing on her nail trying hard to think of where Maria could’ve gone.

“Let’s split up and look for her. If we take my car, and the jeep we can cover more area.” Alex started digging for his keys. Before they could say any more, Michael was up and out the door. They saw him come around the corner on his bike taking off towards highway 285. “Okay, I guess Michael has his own idea were she might be. Let’s take the other places.”

“Where do you think he’s going to go look for her at?” Isabel asked surprised at how fast Michael had taken off.

“I don’t know, but if it’s some place we thought of we’ll eventually cross paths with him, unless we find her first.” Liz stood up with Alex getting ready to leave.

“Alex, I’ll take Liz, you take Isabel. I think we can only split up into two groups since you and Liz are going to be the ones that know where she may go.”

“Okay. I wonder what this is about. Hey, everyone, take snacks with you. I’m sure that wherever she is, she hasn’t eaten.” Alex grabbed Isabel’s hand.

They quickly left the CrashDown splitting the locations between them, each of them wondering about where Michael and Maria both were. Michael had the best possibility of knowing where she would go. But over the last few months, Maria had changed so much that it was really hard to say where she was.

Once upon a time there was a sad princess that climbed the rocky tower of stone to survey the sea of desert that surrounded her. He found her the first place he looked. Maria was standing in relief against the sky with her hair blowing around her on the rock formation hiding their incubation pods. Here was where their life together had taken a departure, him following the road that would lead to his Destiny and her walking another path alone without him. As he walked his path it became less and less clear why he was walking it unaccompanied when she would have come with him, if he’d let her. When he went back to find her, she’d already taken the other path alone. In all these months he’d yet to catch up with her. Once he had the option of letting her follow him to come with him, but by winning the battle to journey alone, he lost her. Now the path she was walking was her own and he couldn’t ask her to give it up for him, again.

“Your mother is worried about you. She called Liz and Alex.”

“How did you know where to find me?” Michael frowned not liking her distanced tone.

“I had a feeling that you would come here.” Climbing to join her he stopped just short of touching her, and clenching his hands tight he watched her closely. “What do you see?”

“Lines in the desert merging for a while and then separating to go their own way. It reminds me of those lines on the Nazca Planes of Peru. From the ground they make no sense, but when you get far enough away it makes a pattern that actually means something.” Maria turned to look at him. “I’ve spent my life looking at lines from the ground, trying to make sense of what could only be nonsense. I need to get away from them, look at them from a distance and then maybe I can find what I’ve been missing all alone.”

“What’s that?”

“That I don’t belong here.”

Michael couldn’t take anymore. He touched her. He turned her into his arms holding her close for the first time in a long time. It actually surprised him how much her smell had been carried in his memory. It felt like only yesterday since he last smelt her special scent, but the feel of her against him was another story. That was a feeling that had been missing for a long time.

“Tell me what’s happening, Maria.” Michael said in her hair rubbing his chin against her skin.

“You’re supposed to tell me that I don’t have to tell you, remember? You’re supposed to respect my boundaries.” Maria couldn’t resist burying her face deeper into his body resting against him for the first time in a long time.

“Since when have I ever respected anyone’s boundaries? Keep out signs seem to beckon me like candy to a baby.” Maria couldn’t help but laugh at that. He was the original bad boy thumbing his nose at rules and authority. She hoped that no matter what happened in his life, that it would always be that way. He just wouldn’t be Michael anymore if he became respectable.

“He’s dead.” Michael paused to think about it. Closing his eyes he pulled her closer getting the flash of her, the dog, and those damn red sneakers. She was dreaming of rain in the desert, opening desert roses, quickly gone the next day.

“Your father?” He softly spoke into her hair keeping her as close as possible.

“Yes. He’s not coming back, ever. That dream is gone. I think I’ve finally learned not to dream anymore.” Maria’s voice caught in her throat. “I once thought that you were the only person possible to understand what it felt like wanting to find home, wanting your father to come back for you, but I just realized today that I was wrong.”

“What do you mean, Maria?” Michael swallowed a lump in his throat. Somehow he knew this would go bad for him.

“This summer that all changed. They didn’t leave you Michael. They lost you in death and they loved and valued you so much that they brought you back. You may’ve been lost for a while, but they always wanted you. Nasedo would have protected you with his life. You and the others are that important. But it’s not the same for me.”

“I don’t understand.” What was bothering Maria was deeper and more hidden than he could understand or even see with a flash. It was a wound festering and poisoning her, stealing away her life.

“He left. He knew where I was. I wasn’t the one lost, he was. We were here the entire time, exactly where he left us.” Maria pulled herself from his arms and walked away a few steps. “At least you’re important to your people. Me, I never was all that important.”

“You’re important, to me.” He winced at the bitter laugh Maria gave at his words.

“Nice words, but not true. You found it just as easy as he did to just give me up and walk away without looking back.” Michael wanted to protest that he did come back, but she was no longer there, but he couldn’t. His following his destiny, being a soldier, and an entire summer of silence made the protest stick in his throat like lies.

Michael didn’t know what to say. He still understood how she felt, but suddenly he had a people and a sense of purpose. His dream came true when he found Nasedo and hers didn’t. Taking a step towards her, she step two steps back closer to the edge. Michael paused his heart beating out of control.

“Maria, come away from the edge, honey. You’re too close.” Maria turned around and seemed finally to understood how close she was to the edge. After running away from everyone for the last few months it had become a habit.

“It’s time. The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. I’ve been languishing here trying not to hope, trying not to dream. It occurred to me today that as long as I stay here that I would always be waiting. I can’t seem to help it. I can’t stop feeling everything I feel inside. I can’t forget and it’s causing me to live in a dream world. I need to find a way out of that daydream. I’ve never been so alone.” Maria turned to look out over the desert. “I’ve never been so alive.”

Maria walked past him. He stood alone against the sky watching her until he could no longer see her car. She was gone from the horizon before he finally turned and looked out over the desert. What did she say? Lines merging for a while and then separating apart to travel their own path, was that how she saw them?

Say no. Please be no.

Michael closed his eyes and prayed to a God he never believed in, that it wouldn’t be so. The choices that are made in a life determine the course of that life and the way it is live. Michael felt the disturbing fear that choices he made months ago were going to have lasting effects on his life forever. Already he had no right to touch her, smell her, taste her, and he feared that soon he wouldn’t even get to see or hear her because she would be gone, forever. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

*****

Mother and daughter sat in shock in the lawyer’s office. All those years and it came to this. Amy wanted to scream, to yell, to hurt something or someone, but mostly, she wanted to find a quiet dark place to cry away the bitterness. So much water had passed under this bridge, and after all those years how could they still be standing in the same place? It didn’t seem fair. The sense of betrayal was so intense, so biting that she could hardly breathe. Maria looked worse.

“I don’t want it.” The lawyer startled at the two women looking more like sisters than mother and daughter.

“I don’t think you understand. It’s yours. There is no question of refusing or not wanting. It’s legally yours. How you chose to disperse or dispose of the proceeds is of course your right, but it’s yours.” The mother wasn’t saying a word. She seemed lost in her own world. The will left her provided for also very generously, but nothing to the magnitude of the young daughter.

“Ms. DeLuca maybe you can help me explain to your daughter the magnificence of this gift? Ms. DeLuca?” Amy finally pulled herself back together.

“Maria understands perfectly, Mr. Creighton. She understands exactly what this represents. But you’re correct; she won’t be refusing it. It’s hers and it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.” The anger was too much for Amy’s gentle soul. The bastard, how could he spend all these years with all that money and never once worry about how they were doing, how Maria was doing, if she needed anything.

“Did he leave any messages, or any word for me?” The lawyer had the presence of mind to actually feel uncomfortable about this. His client not only deserted his only child for ten years without a word, but even in death he remained silent.

“No. I’m truly sorry. This must all come as a shock to you.” He stopped at the mocking laugh from the young girl, the first real sound he heard from her all morning. The bitterness in the laugh was enough to make him feel embarrassed yet again. His now dead client had a lot to atone for.

“No, this is exactly what I would expect. It runs true to form. The only amazing thing is that he left all his possession to me. I guess there was no one else, huh? Otherwise, there wouldn’t have even been this.”

“Ms. DeLuca, I mean, Maria, there is much that needs to be tended to regarding your affairs. I believe that my firm is quiet able to …”

“No. That won’t be necessary. I’ll be in touch with you in a few days. Are these copies mine to keep?” The lawyer nodded his head as the young lady stood and gathered the papers around her. Pushing the paper into a folder she reached down and pulled her mother out of her seat.

“If you need me please contact us at our home. Good day.” Maria took her mother’s arm and led her from the offices of her father’s lawyers. “Let’s go home, mom. I’m tired of this place.”

*****

Michael and the others haven’t heard from Maria for over three days. She was in Albuquerque with her mother talking to lawyers and trying to get her father’s affairs straight. Michael was spending more and more time at the Evans. It was almost like before he was emancipated. The loneliness of his apartment was taunting him, reminding him of a presence now missing. The other day he found one of her earrings in his sofa while picking up. It dropped him to his knees to realize that it must have been lost long ago before summer. He closed his eyes trying to imagine himself back there, with her. If only he could go back, knowing what he knew today and make different choices. So much would have remained the same, but he would have never walked away.

The nights were the worst. He couldn’t exorcise her from his brain. Her laughter tickled his ears as he watched television knowing what funny observation or remark she would have made. He woke one night to find her watching him from her perch at the end of his bed. She smiled and kept drinking her milk. Michael sat up and noticed her pregnant body with her one slim hand resting on slightly rounded stomach. He smiled back and reached to gather her in his arms only to startle awake from a dream that left and even emptier hole in his gut, than a lifetime of waiting for his people. The apparition of Maria was everywhere, in his shower, in his bed, washing dishes in his kitchen, lying against him reading while he watched hockey, and in his fantasies. Maria was haunting him better than any ghost. He carried her small gold earring in his pocket so he could touch its smooth golden surface many times a day. He missed her. She was like a toothache in his heart.

Isabel and Max sat watching him in their living room. He was just sitting there with Maria’s earring in his hand rubbing the small gold loop against his mouth. He’d been seriously out of it since he found her that day she learned about her father. Michael would smile at times at no one, almost as if her could see someone that they couldn’t. He was seriously a basket case.

Max was still remembering last night. Michael had finally fallen asleep on his floor, so he covered him with a blanket and went to bed. Later that night, he was awoken by Michael’s thrashing in his sleep. Michael appeared to be caught up in a very erotic dream and there was no doubt that Maria was the main focus. His calling of her name actually made Max blush and quickly going to Michael’s side to wake him before he woke the house.

“Michael, wake up. Michael.”

“Huh? What? Max, what is it? Maria, where’s…”

“Michael, you were dreaming.”

“I was dreaming about Maria. We were…”

“I know. That’s why I woke you. Jesus Michael, you were practically screaming down the house calling her name. Are you okay?”

“No. I think I need a cold shower.” Michael quickly was off the floor and heading for the bathroom. As he passed Max had an image of Michael and Maria together with her kneeling between his legs and his hands tangled in her hair. His head was flung back in passionate abandonment while Maria forced moans from his throat. Max shook himself violently, standing up.

“SHIT! What the hell was that?” Groaning Max flung himself backwards onto his own bed rubbing his hands across his face trying to erase the image engraved in his brain. Oh hell, the bastard better leave him some cold water.

“What’s wrong with you?” Max looked up to see Isabel in his doorway wearing her silk pajamas and looking freshly woken from sleep. Rolling over quickly he grabbed his pillow glowering at his sister and cursing Michael’s out of control intense emotions. All he could do was wish that Maria would come home soon. They couldn’t very well let an emotionally out of control Michael wander the streets of Roswell giving everyone flashes of his sexual fantasies. People were going to start talking.

They sat there watching him. Isabel almost thanked God when the front doorbell rang. Jumping up before Max stole the opportunity from her she was at the door in a flash before the second ring was finished. Shock left her immobilized when she open the door.

“Isabel? Hi, can I come in?”

“Maria! When did you get back?” Maria was in shock as she gently hugged and patted Isabel on the back. Having Isabel grab and hug her was nothing if not just strange. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I just came by to see your dad. He’s expecting me.”

“Maria?” Max and Michael had hurried to the door when they heard Isabel’s cry. Michael could feel his lungs laboring under the need for more oxygen, but he was afraid to release his breath in case she disappeared like all the other Maria’s of the last few days. No this was the real thing. She looked small and tired. His dream Maria’s tend to be more sultry, alive, and vivid. He would take this one any day. This one he could hold in his arms and touch. She was real.

“Michael, Max, how are you? I just came to…” Before Maria could finish Philip Evans came into the room heading for the door.

“Whose at the door? I was expecting,” He saw Maria standing there surrounded by his giant children and a hovering Michael. “Maria to come by. There you are. Could you guys let her in the door and maybe give her some space?”

The group seems to finally realized just how close they were standing to her and how she seemed to be cowering away from them. Stepping back, Maria at last was able to enter the house.

“Maria, why don’t you come with me? Isabel would you please fix her a cold drink? We’ll be in the study.” Philip put his hand on the small of her back and escorted her from the room. He was shocked at how small she seemed.

When Isabel entered the study she found Maria standing quietly at the window looking out and her father reading a shelf of papers. Looking up Philip noticed his daughter, but Maria remained unmoving.

“Just put it down right there, honey. Could you answer the phone and take messages until I’m finished here?” Isabel nodded and smiled at her dad. Looking at Maria one last time she left the room closing the door softly behind her.

“What’s going on in there? How is Maria?” Michael was pacing the room like a caged beast.

“Michael would you try calming down? Dad is reading some papers and Maria is just standing there looking out the window. It looks like she’s needing some legal advice.”

“She looked small. I doubt she’s been eating. Maybe I should go make her something with calories? Why did you give her a soft drink, she needs milk or maybe juice. Didn’t you notice how skinny she’s looking?” Michael walked of towards the kitchen talking to himself with Max and Isabel watching with concern. This whole Maria situation was totally warping him.

When Philip found them they were in the kitchen cooking. Michael started off making a snack for Maria which somehow evolved into all of them making dinner for the family and Maria. The trio worked like a well-oiled machine. Philip wondered where Isabel’s new friend, Tess was. But recently Tess had seemed to disappear. She was staying with the Valenti’s and over the winter break they had taken a trip out of town.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Dad! We’re making dinner. It’s going to be a little strange, but it should be done soon. Your messages are over by the phone.” Isabel tossed Max a head of lettuce from the refrigerator to chop for the salad.

“Where’s Maria?” Michael looked around Mr. Evans back to see if she was hidden, but there was no Maria.

“She left just a few moments ago.”

“She left? But, I was, we were making dinner for her.”

“I think that she already had plans for the evening, or something like that. Her mother was expecting her home. Did you need to see her Michael?” Isabel watched Michael closely. Yes, he needed to see her and so much more. Her isolation was hurting him. It was driving him and making him more and more irrational.

“Sorry, I need to go.” Without even looking back Michael was out the door with a confused Philip watching. He turned to see the concerned look on his children’s faces.

“What’s going on?”

“Michael is just worried about Maria. They’re sort of involved with each other.”

“Is it serious?” Philip looked at his children. Their answer was important, very important.

Max looked at Isabel. Taking a calming breath he addressed his father. “Yes, it’s very, very serious. They’re in love with each other. But they broke up over the last summer and Michael has been trying to get back together with Maria since. Is there a problem with that?”

“There could be a large one, actually.”

“What is it dad?”

“I can’t say. It’s Maria’s place to say only. I just hope that Michael can convince her, fast.” Max and Isabel looked at each other with concern. This didn’t sound good at all. It sounds really bad. But their father wouldn’t say anything else.

*****

Michael went straight to her window. She was there just sitting in her chair at her vanity looking in the mirror. Michael doubted that she could even see herself, really. Rapping softly on the window, it took a few tries before she turned to see him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

“Go to the kitchen door, I’ll be there in a moment.” Maria went down the hall past her mother’s door. It was still closed. Amy wasn’t taking things very well. She’d practically been in her room since they returned from the lawyer’s offices and didn’t seem to even realize that Maria had gone to the Evans. When Maria opened the door to Michael she gave him a signal to be very quiet.

“What do you want? My mom is resting in her room right now.”

“I need to talk to you. It’s important.” Closing her eyes and breathing deep, Maria gathered her strength to deal with him. Moving aside she let him into the house. Slowly leading him into her bedroom, she left the door ajar.

“Okay, but be very quiet about it. My mom isn’t going to like finding you in my bedroom, again.”

“Maria,” Michael moved closer in on her halting her ability to move away, “what’s going on with you? I haven’t been able to get anywhere near you since you found out your dad was dead. I need to know.”

“I really don’t feel like talking about this to anyone right now.”

“Maria.”

“You’ve no right to ask. No right. We aren’t together anymore, and this isn’t your business.”

“That’s bulshit and you know it. What we have couldn’t be broken if we move a thousand miles apart. All the summers, all the destinies, all the alien messages in the world don’t have the ability to remove the thought of you from my heart.” Maria was shocked at his words. Michael never talked so open, so honest. She didn’t need that anymore. Now it was more a hindrance rather than a desire or want. He had left it too late.

“No. Let me go.” He was too close, too binding. “Damn you, Michael, don’t do this to me. You’ve no right to decide this time. I decide and the answer is no. No.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.” Maria tried to move away, but he held her fast. “Tell me, and I’ll leave you alone.”

“I don’t…” Maria tried to break free again. “I can’t love you. I don’t want to love you.”

“Tell me that you don’t love me, Maria. Not that you don’t want to. There’ve been times that I was uncomfortable with the knowledge that I loved you. So tell me, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Maria pulled free and walked away from him hugging her arms to her body. Looking out the window he could see her shoulders moving to her deep sighs. Her words were so soft that he had to move closer to even hear them. “This is unfair. You don’t deserve it, but I do love you. I always have, and I always will.” Maria put her head down looking at the floor almost in defeat. “Now please go away.”

“If I love you, and you love me, then why do I need to leave? Why can’t we work this out? All I’m asking for is a chance to make things up to you, to get closer.” He came up behind her pulling her into his body. He closed his eyes and said in her hair, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too. But, it’s too late. Everything has changed. It’s too late.” She could feel herself weakening, losing her resolve.

“What has changed? Why is it too late?” Turning her around he searched her face for answers.

“Oh God, I’m just so tired. I don’t want to discuss this tonight. Not now.” Maria voice became huskier with emotions that Michael wasn’t sure he understood. She seemed so upset and unhappy. Seeing the tears gathering in her eyes, he quickly moved to her bedroom door and shut it. Taking her hand, they laid down to sleep. She didn’t protest or try to have him leave. It felt so good to finally just rest against someone else for the first time in a long time. Closing her eyes, she unconsciously joined her hand with his and fell asleep. He didn’t sleep for a long, long time. Taking the opportunity, Michael watched her sleep while he gentle swept the hair from her face and memorizing her features.

When Maria woke hours later, she stayed still where she rested across his chest with her head on his heart listening to his heartbeat enjoying the feel of Michael’s hand moving up and down her back. With his other hand he lifted her hand and placed a kiss along the back, slowly kissing her fingers and nibbling on the pad of her fingers and rubbing them across his lips and face. She could feel the stubble of his light morning beard. She liked the rough texture against her fingers. He suddenly seemed to realize that she was awake. She knew by the increase in his heartbeat under her ear.

“Do you want me to leave?” He could feel her head shaking against his chest. Moving his hand from hers he lifter her chin to look into her face. “Do you want to talk? Tell me what’s going on?”

“No. I just want to rest here with you and let tomorrow take care of itself.” Reaching up Maria kissed his lips softly. “I just need you to know that I do love you, but I need to do something for myself. It’s not going to be easy for any of us, but I need to do this.”

“What? Maria, please just tell me.”

Taking a deep breath to gain her courage, she put into words something that she’d only said in her mind, to her mom and Mr. Evans. Somehow saying it out loud would make it come true. It was hard to accept that part of her wanted it, but another part of her wanted things to remain the same, unchanging.

“I’m leaving Roswell at the end of next week.” He went still. No. He must have misunderstood.

“When will you be back?”

“Never. I’m not coming back, ever.” Michael was silent trying to swallow past a lump in his throat. She was leaving Roswell forever? This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t.

“Why?” He held his breath waiting for her to tell him it was because of what he did, his treatment of her last summer and earlier in the fall, because he pushed her away and hurt her, because he left her alone.

“Remember when I told you that there had to be something better for me than Roswell?” Michael nodded feeling a sense of disaster inside. “Well, I waited my whole life for him to come back and take me from here, take me to that better place. Then when we got close, I thought that maybe I was wrong, that it wasn’t a real place, but rather a state of mind. And for a few moments in time I felt happy with you, that maybe I found that some place better. But I was wrong. So now I’m tired of waiting for someone or something to save me. I’ve the resources and means to save myself, and I’m going to do that.”

“Why leave?” Michael couldn’t understand why she needed to leave if they loved each other, if they were finally talking again.

“As long as I stay here I’ll always look around corners for you. Want you to come back to me and make it all better. I tried to stop loving you, to stop caring, but I can’t seem to help myself.”

“Maybe I want you to look for me, to want me in your life, Maria. I don’t think this as a bad thing.”

“You’re wrong. It is. It’s bad because I can’t tell whether this need is my love for you, or my need not to be alone. Part of me knows, really knows that it is nothing less than love that binds me to you. But I’ve been alone for so long.” Maria’s voice broke as she began to cry. He held her and felt her pain, so much of it old, and so much of it new, created and caused by him. “I need to go someplace where I can have a new start, a clean slate, and I can finally grow up to be the person I’m suppose to become.”

“You can’t do that here, with people who love you?” Michael could feel the moisture behind his eyes as he tried to stay in control. “What if I promise to make sure you’re never alone again?”

“No. I keep looking back, falling back on old habits. I need to save myself.” Maria wiped her face. “I can’t depend on you.” Michael heart broke at the conviction in her voice. “I can’t give into this need I seem to have to lean on you, and the want to have you protect me.”

“I love you. I need you to be near, to be here with me.” Michael felt the desperation in his voice to the very depths of his soul. “I won’t walk away again. I would never leave you alone again. I just want you to stay with me.”

“I can’t. Please don’t ask me to do that. I would have once given you anything, done anything to be with you, but I can’t now. I just can’t. It’s too late for that.” She could feel her desire to break, to give in, but it took months of soul searching and the death of her father to realize that she couldn’t spend her life expecting another person to be everything from start to finish. Sometimes it was important to find a strength within, to learn to be stronger not just for herself, but for the people who loved her.

“Maria.” His voice was breaking her convictions, making it harder than she thought it ever would be.

“Michael, no. Please?” Michael rubbed his hands across his face sighing deeply. Pushing her was ridiculous. He had at least a week to convince her, court her, and make her believe in him.

“Okay, I won’t push, but don’t expect me not to try to make you change your mind.”

“You may try, but I really think that I need this change, this time. It's not going to be easy. It won't be. Not with me." Michael closed his eyes, and Maria felt a surge of protective denial, fierce and unexpected, all of it was coming from Michael.

"I don't need it easy. I just need it. We can work on the rest of it as we go along. Just learn to trust me Maria. I need you, and I’m not walking away again."

"It'll take a lot of work. More work than you think, more work than you’ve got time for." Maria knew what he intended to do and a part of her wanted to give him a chance, more time, but the reasonable new Maria knew that she had already made the decision, and the process of becoming an adult was making those decisions and standing by them no matter what the cost.

"Shut up, Maria, and put that mouth to work." Michael moved his hand up under her hair to cup her head as he pulled her mouth level to his and only mere milliseconds away.

"First you wanted me to talk, and now you want me to shut up."

Maria was pressed against him, stretched out across his body, and their lips touched. "Mostly I want you to kiss me," Michael breathed, punctuating his words with touches, providing an illustration of craving and gentle persuasion. Maria closed her eyes and joined their mouths savoring the taste of him, trying to create a lifetime of memories in just hours to help sustain her through lonely years to come.

For the second time in months Amy DeLuca opened her daughter’s bedroom door to find her fast asleep with Michael Guerin. This time she paused and watched them sleeping together so quiet and peaceful. They were wrapped around each other trying to keep as much contact as possible. Slowly retreating from the room she closed the door and shut her eyes in prayer that a certain young man could give her daughter a reason, a good reason to stay in Roswell. Leaving them to continue to sleep, Amy headed towards the kitchen to make coffee. It was going to be a long day, a long week, a long year, and a really long life.

*****

“What do you mean she’s leaving Roswell?” Isabel was confused. Was Maria leaving by herself? How could she do that or was her mom leaving, too?

“She’s leaving, alone. Your dad is getting her Emancipation and her mother has agreed to sponsor her decision. I guess her dad left her everything, and she now owns a house, a large house just outside of Seattle along the Pacific Coast and all his assets.”

“I don’t understand, Liz. Why is her mother letting her do this? She would graduate in another seventeen months anyway. She should stay here with us.”

“Maria made the decision. She feels that she needs a fresh start, a new place. I think that this last summer and fall has been so hard for her and she changed so much. This is her way of trying to find something new.” Liz took a deep breath and looked at a morose Alex. “I’m going to miss her so much.”

With that Alex was up and out of the diner, not even saying goodbye. The rest of them watched him with concern. He appeared to be the most depressed of the group about Maria’s departure with the exception of Michael.

“Is he okay?” Isabel was concerned as her boyfriend left without even a goodbye.

“No. Maria has always been a special buddy to him, kind of the sister he never knew he had or wanted. He’s taking this really hard.”

“Has anyone talked to Michael?” Isabel wondered aloud. Everyone turned to look at Max.

“He’s not talking. All he does is follow Maria around, taking her places, buying her things. They seem inseparable. I’m really worried about him. What if she leaves? I mean, really leaves?”

They all sat in silence for a while. All that was left was Isabel, Max, and Liz. For the first time the impact of what they would all be losing when Maria left was finally becoming all too apparent.

*****

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know. But I need to, mom. I need this for my own soul.”

“Maria, what about Michael? You’ve spent so much time with him this last week. He’s been attentive, kind, gentle, and loving. How can you leave him? He loves you.”

“I know. I love him too. But I still have to go.” Amy felt the blow unlike any blow she ever felt before. Maria’s words were almost the exact same words her father used before he left all those years ago.

“You sound like your father.” Maria was startled and looked at her mother. Was she being selfish and harsh? Was this a type of payback at Michael’s expense to make him pay for leaving her alone all those months ago? Maria thought about it hard for a few minutes. No. This was about her, about her father, about her waiting for dreams that never came true. She had to choose between being strong and walking her own path, or being weak, hoping for someone to save her from this life. It was a decision between making a life she wanted or living a life as it was given.

“I know that I may sound like him. But mom, I’m afraid that if I don’t take control of my life, that I never will. I don’t want to wait my whole life for someone to take care of me. I owe myself and the person I’ll eventually marry to become a stronger person.”

“Your only seventeen, Maria. It’s okay to be dependent on others when you’re so young.” Amy looked at her daughter severely. “And you’re already a strong person. You think that loving Michael, following him makes you weak?”

“Mom, I feel myself falling all the time. I see him, Michael, and all I want is for him to love me. I want him to take care of me forever, but I need to be able to take care of him, too. I need to grow up.”

“Maria, he loves you. He loves you with all his heart.”

“I know. But if I stay and follow him, then how do I ever become more than just an appendage, an extension of him? I need to be more. I need to stop waiting for heroes to save me, and become someone worthy of saving.” Maria knew this was hard, because she felt it too. “If I had met him later in life, when I was older maybe we could have loved forever, but I met him so young. No one expects the love of their life to walk in the door at sixteen. He already has purpose, things he must do that define him, and I need to grow up to meet him or leave him. I just know I can’t do it here. This place, what it has been to me is a place I associate with losing. I can’t afford to lose this fight.”

“I understand, but I don’t want to lose you.”

Amy did understand because she had fallen for the same type of man as Michael, a man with a higher purpose, vision and a hidden side, and it had cost her dearly. He left not because she would not follow him, help him, but because she held onto him so tight, so needy that he felt stifled, as if nothing he wanted would ever come true if he was weighted down by her and a child. It took her years of soul searching and inner growth and more than half of Maria’s life to learn to stand on her own feet, to fight, and not spend all her time looking for a man who would save her. Maria learned the lesson early, before she made the same mistake. Her daughter at seventeen was already more of a woman than Amy could ever be.

“You’re not. We’re getting together in three months, right? If you decide you can move, you’re joining me. I’m not going to stop being your little girl. I’m just going to do a little growing.”

“God, I’m going to miss you so much. What will I do when I’m here alone? I thought I had more than a year to prepare. Maria, I don’t know if I can handle this.” Amy could hardly swallow, and all she wanted was to grab Maria and hold her close, forever.

“Then you pick up the phone and we’ll make plans.” Maria held her mother close, smelling her hair and committing it to memory. “Mom, I need to go somewhere tonight. I won’t be home.”

“Michael’s?” Amy understood what Maria was telling her.

“Yes, I need to say goodbye. He worked so hard to convince me, but I need this. It was never about making him jump through hoops to get me back. It was about me taking control of my life. This place represents so much pain for me. I need to let it go and go on.”

“He won’t understand.”

“Yes, he will. He already does. It’s just hard, because he’s afraid that it was choices that he made that led to my choices. Michael doesn’t have much to lose, and this is hard.”

“Give him my love.” Amy smiled realizing that she was watching her daughter take so many steps towards adulthood in such a short time. Now she was emancipated, going to live on her own, and now sleeping with her boyfriend.

“Thanks, mom. I’ll be home in time to make the train station. Liz and the others were coming to say goodbye.”

“Will Michael come?” Amy couldn’t stop praying that somehow Michael would find a way to make her stay.

“No. I don’t think so.”

With that Maria was out the door heading towards Michael’s apartment. She could see the darken windows with a strange flicker of candle light against the ceiling. Walking to his door to say goodbye was the one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Please, help me say goodbye, be strong, just be strong. She raised her hand and knocked.

Michael opened almost immediately. It was as if he’d been waiting for her. His face was dark and shadowed. He knew immediately that this was goodbye. There was no more pleading, no more convincing. When he made those choices to leave her all those months ago she traveled so far alone along a path, that in all those months he’d been unable to catch up with her. His heart was breaking.

“Don’t talk.” She said as she stepped into his home and kissed him. The door slammed behind her, and for that moment in time he belonged to her for just a few more hours. He belonged to her, and she belonged to him and there was no one, just them.

Moonlight streamed in through the windows, vanquishing darkness with gentle illumination. Pale light filtered across the room, highlighting the shadows in the corners, coloring the edges of a space procured for one and shared by two. His single heart he gave her and in return she gave him two for his one. He could feel her inside his head, the thought of her was like a melody playing, soothing, and gentle as it washed away a lifetime of pain. She mended him inside, but her leaving would tear a gash so deep he feared he would never survive.

Michael sprawled across his half of what was now their bed, his and Maria's, and propped his head up on one elbow. Maria stirred underneath his hand but quickly settled in silent contentment, soothed by the possessive touch against her skin, by the gentle patterns of devotion she would never get to take for granted. He reached down and rested his head against her breast already missing her. How was he to survive with this one night with her haunting him, hollowing him out for the rest of his life?

It had been a long night full of stops and starts and momentary lapses, but they had reached their compromise, found the balance of taking and giving. Michael was certain nothing would be as
difficult, or as easy, ever again. Making love to her was easier than breathing, but as painful as dying. Every touch cut a new wound, knowing that it would be the last touch, the last kiss, the last time he would hold her next to his body. If he could cut out his soul and pull her inside he would. All the bitterness and regrets of a lifetime never colored his vision the way that the tears did that overflowing his eyes looking his fill before it was the last time.

With one finger, Michael traced the bruise beneath Maria’s lips, defining the edges, memorizing the strangely diffuse pattern where the boundaries broke and spread into the larger expanse of skin. The bruise was from his kisses, the pattern on her skin from his beard. The bites on her shoulder were from his teeth. He couldn’t stop touching and marking her, as if he could find a way to bind her to him, he would. God knows he tried, looking at the marks on her wrist, he gently stroked them.

Sometimes the destination was worth the journey. Not always, but in this case, Michael thought he might just have a case for making a map of Maria's heart. It certainly seemed worth it just to know his territory, to understand his responsibilities, what he was protecting. Roswell had wounded her soul so deeply, he had and her father, and this journey was her redemption, her freedom from the pain. To protect her, he had to let her go because holding her captured next to him was draining her spirit, killing her heart, and in turn her leaving was killing his own.

He was familiar with the concept, but it had never been so personal before. The whole altruistic scheme of setting a spirit free was so much harder than the entire samplers stenciled that coined the phrase. How was he to prepare for the injury it was causing his own heart and soul?

A soft sound drew his attention; his name drifted out among the expressions of Maria's dreams like a prayer. He leaned down, pressing his lips to Maria's temple, leaving a gentle kiss to ease the path into peaceful sleep. There was no peace in Michael, only violence. He looked at her sleeping under his hands, molded to his body and everything inside him was telling him to take her, to violently crush her under him. To kidnap her away to some remote place and hold her captive taking her hard and often until everything he was became so saturated inside her, until he left a piece of himself inside her, a child. A means to hold her captive to him forever, a way keep her joined to him. The darkness in him didn’t want love and gentleness, it only knew possession, and he wanted to possess her everyway possible and a few ways that were perhaps impossible. What shamed he most was not these dark violent thoughts, but rather the lack of remorse he felt thinking them, and how close he felt to setting them free, and how much of them he did let see the light of day.

Looking at the bruising on her body, the marks and bites, he knew that part of that darkness had escaped, was unleashed earlier, and even more revealing was the way Maria met it. He had held her under him with his hands encircling her wrist pinning her so she couldn’t do anything but follow his lead, do as he wanted. And as he was stretched out over her body, plunging into her with long hard thrust, holding her down, her eyes had darkened and narrowed, and she smiled a smile he never seen, but one that knock his breath from his body. And all she said was, “I dare you.” She not only kept up with him, but also goaded him a few times along the way. Looking at the bruising around her wrists, the redness, he actually caught himself smiling. Lying next to his mate he breathed in everything about her, and not just her, but them, the smell of them together. And when the violence gentled into tenderness as he held her while she slept, he knew that whatever it took, no matter how long, he would find her again.

He was where he was meant to be, and that was all that mattered. Watching the coming of morning and the warming of the day, he knew that he would never feel the warmth again.

He watched her silently dress. His body was forcing him to watch, to memorize every gesture. Her spirit would soon be back to taunt him, to sit on the edge of his bed, to shower in his bath, to sit with him in his home until the madness of grief and loss killed him.

“I have something for you.” Michael reached over to open the drawer of his bedside table. Maria looked at him. She didn’t want a goodbye present.

“Michael.”

“I was gonna give it to you for Christmas. I bought it while you were gone.” Michael reached for Maria’s hand. “I dreamt about you. And since you won’t be here for Christmas, or any other Christmas I wanted to give it to you now.”

“Michael…” Maria stopped talking as he put the jeweler’s case in her hand. She stopped to look at it, then him, and at it again.

“Open it.”

“I can’t. Michael, please.” Maria dropped the box on the bed next to him. She wasn’t brave enough to even look. Her heart was breaking. Michael picked it up and opened it showing her the ring he bought her. “This is making it harder for me.”

“I wish I could make it impossible for you, so I could keep you, have you, but if I succeeded I would lose wouldn’t I?” Maria nodded her head. He understood. If she stayed it would always be a symbol of her weakness, and sooner or later her disappointment in herself would destroy them, be a source of disease in their relationship.

Michael took the ring out of the box and put it on her finger, her wedding finger. “It’s yours. You should keep it because I bought it for you, and no one else will ever wear it.”

“Michael, I can’t take this. I can’t.” Maria looked at the ring and then him. If so much hadn’t happened, in another place or time, the other life they would have lived if he hadn’t pushed her away all those months ago, this present would have been everything to her. And despite everything, it still was, and that was why it was so hard.

“Stay.” Michael begged her. It was something he promised himself he wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t deny what he wanted. “Please.”

She drew his head into her abdomen, hugging his shuddering shoulders, feeling his grief, his regret. Slowly lowering herself to the floor, she looked into his face and hugged him to her. He was her beautiful young man, her alien lover. He was so strong, so valiant, trying to hide his sorrow behind strength, the strength to let her go. Kissing his face moving over the features she knew now better than her own, she laid her head against his. Kissing him deeply, loving him eternally.

“Don’t ask me. I can’t.” Maria rested against him. She couldn’t tell where her sadness ended and his began. “Please, baby, please.”

“I know.” His whispers were husky and hoarse. He closed her hand with the ring still on her finger into a closed fist and kissed it making her keep it. As long as she wore it, she would be his, and maybe one day, somehow he would find her again. He held her as long as he could until she gently put his hands aside and stood.

“Come see me off?”

“I can’t.” It shamed him that he didn’t have that much strength.

“I know.” One final kiss, and she was gone. He sat on the side of their bed avoiding the sheets that still smelt of her, of them. Lowering his head into his hands, he wept.

Once upon a time, in a landlocked principality surrounded by a sea of desert, there was a young lost princess, exiled for too long. One day, she faced the northwest, and took herself home, leaving behind all that she knew, all that she loved, for the chance of building her own destiny.

“You’ll write?” Liz tried to wipe the tears from her cheek, but they kept coming. “Promise?”

“I promise. I’m not leaving the planet, just moving to Seattle. There are phones, trains, planes and even automobiles.” Everyone laughed trying not to let the sadness overwhelm.

Alex moved forward taking her into his arms and holding her close. “I love you, funny face.”

“I know, that you do. I love you, too.” Kissing him gently on the lips, she held his head in her hands and searched his eyes. The communication between them, spoke of a lifetime of friendship, the pain of separation, and the promise of finding each other again. Giving Max and a crying Isabel a quick hug goodbye with whispers of seeing them again and making them promise to take care of Michael, Maria turned to hug her mom.

“You can come back.”

“I know.”

“I’ll keep a light on at night so you can find your way, if…”

“I need you?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll always need you.” Maria held her mom closer trying to keep her close, until finally she had to let go. “Well, it’s time.”

Maria looked down the empty platform, hoping to see him one last time. But it remained empty and void of his presence. Looking at her mom with tears in her eyes, she turned and boarded the train. Turning at the door, she blew them a kiss, and then went inside. The group stood silently watching the train preparing to leave, it was slowly pulling away, taking her from them. Somehow, somewhere, they all left her alone, too long, and she moved on without them.

Isabel was the first to turn to the sounds of running feet. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Michael.

“Where’s she?” They pointed to departing train. “No. This can’t be happening. I can’t let this happen.”

He ran his hands through his hair and paced quickly up and down the platform, the train was building up speed as it moved from the station, and suddenly he just knew what he wanted to do. Michael moved towards the train, but pause to look back at his friends and family. Rushing towards Isabel and Max, he gathered them both into a strong hug, holding them for a minute so short, but spanning a lifetime.

Looking at Liz and Alex, he smiled. “Take care of them for me.” Michael pulled away from them and tossed his keys at Max. “Here Max, you’ll need these.”

Turning quickly he grabbed Amy and hugged her tight making eye contact. Her eyes dilated as awareness hit her followed by pride and gratitude, and with a nod she gave her silent permission. With a smile she released him and gave him a push towards the departing train. Michael turned and started for the train that was heading out of the station.

“Michael! What are you doing?” Michael turned to look at Isabel, and smiled still running backwards to catch the train.

“I’m leaving. I’d rather live in her world, then live without her in mine.” He turned and ran as if his life depended on it as he reached the train and grabbed the hand of the conductor reaching out the door. Turning to look one last time at his family he was leaving behind, he leaned out of the train holding onto the door rail and touched his heart with a closed fist gesture, and raised his hand goodbye.

Amy and the rest watched him leave with her, tears in their eyes. Isabel held her brother Max tightly crying and smiling at the same time watching her other brother take the first step on the journey of the rest of his life. The best journeys in life were the ones that you chose to make out of love. Michael, in all these years, finally found his heart inside of Maria.

*****

Maria sat in her private room feeling the pain, wishing that she could have stayed, but knowing that it would have been impossible. The thought of him still rattled in her brain, the wish that he’d found a reserve of strength, to come see her one last time. It hurt. Looking at the ring on her finger and softly touching his marks on her wrists she lowering her head, she laid it against her knees and wept.

Gentle hands laid themselves against her head and she slowly looked up into his face. Michael had squatted down to meet her at eye level moving her hair off her face. She could feel her own smile starting to curve upward at the sight of him. Suddenly she faltered.

“I can’t go back.”

“I know. So I’m going with you.” Michael picked her up and sat down on the seat with her in his lap. “I told you I would never walk away from you again. I just forgot to mention that I wasn’t gonna let you leave me either.” He took her hand with his ring from where it rested against his cheek and kissed the palm, and then he kissed her.

They kissed as the desert raced by moving them closer and closer to a new world, full of new adventures, wonder, and love. For the first time, their destiny was the same, and of their own making. Nothing was set, but their love and the need to be together, everything else was a blank slate waiting to be written.

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to figure it out. That you may not be able to join me on my walk, but there was not reason I couldn’t join you.”

“I thought you were lost to me forever.”

“Sometimes when you lose, you win.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his head against her, and then opening his eyes, he looked at her. “It doesn’t matter what happens in the future, because we’ll do it together. I left you alone once, I couldn’t do that again.” Kissing her gently and closing his eyes to the peace in his soul, Michael smiled. “I love you.” Leaning in he gave his darker side a chance to breath. “I want to love you hard and long, for a long, long time.”

His smiled widen when all he heard from her from where she rested against his chest was, “Ditto. Soldier boy.”

*****

Once upon a time, among distance shores of rocky shoal and crashing waves, was a kingdom by the sea. In this kingdom once lived a ruler whose life had left him long ago. He had traded it for pieces of gold and what he considered a chance of a lifetime. Though he achieved success, he learned that all the riches of the world couldn’t bring warmth back into his empty soul. So he, the lonely ruler, in a lonely land, looked toward landlocked places and thought of his only heir, for she was all the sons and all the daughters that he would ever have, and yet he was nothing more but a forgotten memory. At the twilight of his life he arranged it so that his forgotten daughter could finally come home, and with her she brought the sunlight, love, and life to this once barren land.

They stood high upon the cliff looking down at the private cove at the two figures running and playing in the surf. Running around them was two large dogs, coming close, running back and forth playing with the laughing man and his wife. Strapped on his chest was a special carrier holding his sleeping son. In the last four years he learned many things, but mostly he learned that the sea was part of his alien essences. It called to him, nurtured him, and the songs of the ocean brought him peace and understanding of the duality of his own nature. At times he was calm and peaceful, and suddenly like a squall in the storm he would raise up with a more violent intent, and it was she who held his hand through all of it welcoming both sides equally, his wife and mate. Making the choice to follow her had never been a sacrifice, they over the years learned more and more about his native side, enough to have their son.

The group slowly made their way down the Cliffside to rejoin their friends. He looked up to see the missing parts of his life rejoining him on the grand voyage of existence, and he smiled with one arm holding his lover close, the other cradling his child. Life wasn’t always about winning or losing, walking away or staying, or even what’s right and what’s wrong. Sometimes it was about finding something that you valued, and keeping it near.

The End