“Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry” ~ It’s Been A While, Staind


Maria’s heart was beating uncontrollably as she, Liz and Max pulled to a stop in front of the Valenti’s house. She got out of the car and as she shut the door she noticed her hands were shaking. She quickly clasped them together, not knowing why they would shake. She was only going to talk to Michael. The same Michael she’d had no problems talking to – or yelling at, depending the situation – for the past two years. The same Michael who’d still been a good friend to her even though she broke up with him.

The same Michael whose heart she broke all over again by sleeping with him and then telling him it meant nothing, before leaving town to pursue what she had thought at the time were her dreams.

“You coming?” Liz asked as she grabbed Max’s hand, gripping it tightly. Biting her lip Maria nodded, following the once again reunited couple into the Valenti’s house.

There was a great flurry of activity when they entered with everyone either rushing to embrace the newly healed Isabel or the newly alive Max. Maria joined in, giving Isabel a huge hug, thankful that her friend was okay again. They already knew Isabel was okay, Michael had filled them in when she had rung to say they were returning, but the relief in seeing her friend alive and well was overwhelming.

Moving back to let Max embrace his sister Maria stayed on the fringe of the chatter and relieved laughter as the others shared all the details of what had happened in the past few days – all due to the whole Metachem fiasco. But Maria couldn’t join in with the relieved chatter, her heart hadn’t suddenly become light as soon as she had walked through that door and seen Isabel. Unlike the others her problems hadn’t been solved.

Unlike the others her problems had nothing to do with Metachem.

She was unable to keep her gaze from wandering to Michael where he was talking to Max. She hadn’t spoken to him since she’d left Roswell, bar the phone calls which had a lot more to do with what had happened to Max and Isabel than their relationship. The sadness that had leaked through the phone when she had spoken to him had now evaporated and he was as happy as the rest of them were.

At least he seemed to be.

Only Jesse was staying on the outside. Maria couldn’t blame him. He didn’t fit into the whole thing, and god knows how tough it must have been on him finding out that his wife may not only be dying but was also an alien and had been lying to him throughout their whole marriage. Maria didn’t know what she would do now if she was Jesse. Trust was a huge part of any relationship. And also, remembering back to how she’d freaked out when she first learnt of the alien’s secret and had been so scared of them, she also wondered how he was taking the whole thing. Finding out someone you barely knew was an alien was bad enough, but someone you had been married to? Geez.

Glancing at Michael again she noticed that he was also watching her. Swallowing hard she made her way over to him.

“Hey,” she said. “Can we talk?” Michael just nodded so she took his hand, leading him outside.

It was quiet once they were away from the others and their flurry of activity and she was suddenly nervous. It was strange, she couldn’t even remember the last time she had been nervous around Michael, she always felt so comfortable around him. Of course it wasn’t every day she was asking him for forgiveness.

“How was New York?” he asked when she didn’t say anything.

She bit her lip. “It wasn’t what I wanted. They changed my song completely – a song that means so much to me.” And song about you, she added silently. “And then they wanted me to sing another song, not mine. It just wasn’t what I wanted at all.”

He looked at his feet, avoiding her eyes. “Then what do you want?”

“They only thing I’ve really wanted all along,” she replied honestly, staring into his eyes. “You.”

He just shook his head, saying nothing.

“I heard about Monk,” she told him. “Are you okay?”

He looked up at her, unbearable sadness in his eyes. Without thinking she moved to him, wrapping her arms around him and rubbing his back soothingly. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I’m so sorry.”

“He died because of us – because of me,” Michael said, his voice hoarse. “He died because they knew I was an alien. The died because I wasn’t the healer.”

“No,” she said, looking up at him, stroking his cheek. Max had filled them in on the details Michael hadn’t mentioned on the phone but she realised she still didn’t know everything. “It’s not your fault. It’s theirs and only theirs. It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he replied softly. “Someone else died because of us – and Valenti almost did too. You were right to want out. To want away from us. From me.

“No. Michael don’t ever say that,” she told him. “It wasn’t your fault!”

He pulled away from her, staring at her, anger and pain entering his eyes. “What are you doing here with me anyway? Our lives are no longer linked.”

Her chest tightened painfully as he repeated the cruel words she had said to him not long before. “Michael-“

“You don’t want me anymore,” he stated. Then a confused and angry look crossed his face. “So what are you doing here?”

She couldn’t blame his anger, she’d hurt him badly, she knew. But she really needed him to hear her out. “Can you please just listen to me?”

“I once told you I loved listening to you. Now I’m not so sure.”

She shut her eyes momentarily. Those words were painful. The person who was once quoted saying ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me’ was wrong. Some words were far more painful, even though she knew she’d brought it on herself. Even though she knew she’d hurt the person she cared about, loved, more than anything.

“Please,” she whispered.

He seemed to register that she was in pain too. “Sure.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath. “These past few weeks I’ve been thinking that I made a mistake. That’s why I was so willing to…” she trailed off, not wanting to bring up how much her making love to him that day had ended up hurting him. “And then the whole Max thing really put things into perspective. I couldn’t live without you Michael. I love you.”

“You couldn’t live without me?” he asked disdainfully. “Maria I stayed on earth for you and you showed you appreciation by dumping me!”

“I was scared!” she exclaimed. “Scared of what it meant. Scared that I loved you too much. So much that I was losing sense of who I was. And you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve never pushed me away because you were scared. Scared of us, what we meant. Scared of loving me too much.”

“That was different?”

“Why? Because you’re alien? Humans get scared too Michael!”

“I’ve never once told you our lives weren’t linked!”

“I’ve never once told you I loved you then avoided you all summer!”

They stared at each other, eyes defiantly probing the others. He had to admit she had a point. He had pushed her away countless times because he had been scared, and she had every right to be scared too. He’d never known how much being pushed aside hurt.

“This was once Michael,” she continued, biting her lip for a moment as she looked at him. “Countless times you pushed me away because you couldn’t get involved yet I took you back because I loved you so much. I know you stayed for me, but Michael that doesn’t make up for everything that came before it. It doesn’t make up for all the times you tossed me aside unthinkingly. Yet I took you back because I loved you. And I still love you,” she added, her eyes filling with love, “and probably always will love you.”

“Maria-“ he began. She was right. It had hurt. Especially after he’d given up everything - even Max and Isabel - for her, only to have her dump him. But she was right. With love came forgiveness and he wasn’t about to lose the only girl he’d ever loved by being stubborn.

“Let me finish,” she asked softly. He simply nodded. “Michael, after Alex died you told me that you could only give me now and I could accept that – just to be with you. And then you stayed for me and I really hope I haven’t made you regret that, because I never will.”

He nodded. He would never regret that either. No matter would happened he knew he would never regret staying for her and would always treasure that summer, and their relationship, no matter what.

“And this summer,” she continued, as if echoing his thoughts. “This summer, me and you, we were perfect. Our relationship was perfect. But I was losing myself in you. And then when you made friends with the guys from work I realised that – you had something else as well as me. And I knew I was losing myself – that I shouldn’t be jealous that you had friends, but I couldn’t do anything about it. And then Billy came and made me remember my music, something I had been too scared to touch since Alex died. But I was too lost in you, too dependent on you, that I didn’t know how to have both. I never didn’t want to be with you, just like I know that you didn’t ever not want to be with me, but I was just too scared.” She broke off, a sob catching in her thought. “Michael, I love you.”

He pulled her too him. “Maria, I love you too.”

“I can’t lose you,” she sobbed. “I saw what it did to Liz. And this isn’t because New York didn’t want me. Michael, I don’t feel right without you. I need you around me.”

“And I need you around me,” he replied, his voice catching. He tilted her face so that her eyes met his, tenderly stroking her cheek. “Do you know that you’re the only one who cared enough to ask me about Monk?”

“Oh, Michael!” she exclaimed, burying her head in his chest.

“I love you,” he told her as he stroked her back. “I’ve loved you ever since I got to know you, even though I was too scared to admit it. And just like you, I always will. But Maria, you knew this would hurt me a lot. I gave up everything-“

She lifted her head up from his chest to look at him. “I know. I’m sorry-“

“No,” he interrupted. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t realise what was going on. I just thought that once I finally found what I wanted that things would always be perfect.”

She shook her head. “Never believe in perfection. It’s not real, and I don’t want it anyway. I want us.”

“I want us too,” he replied, not saying what they were both thinking. Max and Liz had believed in perfection and now Max had a son out there with another alien while Liz calmly seemed to put up with everything. Whereas he’d never believed in perfection yet had found it here on earth with the girl he loved…

“So,” she began nervously, biting her lip as her eyes meet his. “Does this mean we’re back together?”

He smiled at her, his first genuine smile in quite a while. “I hope so.”

“And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste”

Maria sighed with happiness as she lay next to Michael in their bed. Without a word they had just mutually decided that tonight all they would do was sleep. She knew they needed time for it to sink in and they didn’t want it to end up like it had last time.

She moved closer to him, burying her head in his chest, drawing circles on his bare stomach with her finger. “I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you too,” he replied, his words more breath than sound. She tilted her head to look at him, she’d thought he was asleep.

She smiled at him as he waved a hand, causing the candles that still littered his bedroom to light, and he leant down capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. It soon grew passionate, as their kisses always did, with an urgent need to be closer to the other.

He pulled her so that she was lying completely on top of him, her legs straddling his as she kissed him, hands mapping his hair, his chest, his arms, his body, mapping the body she still knew so well.

She ran her lips down his neck and towards his chest, grinding her body against his. “I want you,” she told him, her voice filled with need. Suddenly thoughts of waiting had flown from her head. And why would they need to wait anyway, there would be no misunderstandings this time. This time they’d talked, they’d dealt with everything. This time they would be perfect again.

“I want you too.”

It had been a while since they had made love, truly made love. It had been a while since they had just laid together in comfortable silence, knowing instinctively what the other wanted. It had been a while since she’d felt truly happy, truly complete.

Clothes were discarded and their bodies joined together. Just like they had many times before. Just as they had the first night he had truly let her in. Their bodies pulsed together, their image flickering in the candlelight as they touched, tasted, what they couldn’t forget.

Lips, hands, fingers…

“I love you.”

Arms, legs, bodies…

“I love you too.”

They moved together, neither giving in to the other until they both collapsed, exhausted, on the bed. The emotions in the room were almost tangible. Regret, relief, happiness…

And most importantly, love.

“It's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry”

The End