“I hate these things,
but I always try to enjoy myself for his sake.”
“Ok,” Maria tried
to make the smile bigger, “I’ll pretend to enjoy myself too.”
Tess
giggled and locked arms with her as they walked through the
door.
Maria still wasn’t sure what she was doing there. She studied
the uber-chic crowds as they made their way across the room. Her hand flew
to her hair. Suddenly, the matching buns behind each of her ears with
wisps of razored hair sticking out of them seemed juvenile, and
ridiculous. Why was she here? Curiosity. Morbid, morbid curiosity. She
wanted to know what she was going to find hanging on the walls at his
latest showing.
***
“Michael?”
He turned, and looked
into sad brown eyes, “Iz.”
“Everything looks wonderful,” her hand
made a sweeping gesture around the room before coming back to settle on
her protruding stomach. A small smile pulled the corners of her mouth for
a moment, then just as quickly was gone.
“Thanks,” he nodded
slightly.
Isabel gave him a slight nod, then pursed her lips as she
drew a long breath. He knew she was nearly eight months pregnant, but she
looked more beautiful than she ever had. Her hair hung down her back, long
and straight. Perfection, as always, Isabel.
“I’m going to mingle,”
she said softly, looking deeply into his eyes.
She was haunted, he
knew it, and he couldn’t help but feel a little responsible. Alex left
her.
“Have fun,” he tried to joke with her, “I’ll be hiding in the
corner.”
Blinking quickly, she smiled slightly again, “I don’t know
why you come to these things.”
“I don’t know either. Why do
you come?”
“For you, Michael,” her tone made it clear that
he should already know that. For a moment, she hesitated, and he thought
she might hug him, but she didn’t. She gathered her dignity, and walked
away. He watched her glide away.
True to his word, he made his way
into the corner, and sat down, watching the people milling about the room.
A few girls were trying to catch his eye, but none of them looked
interesting. His gaze found Max and Liz, standing in front of a piece in
the opposite corner from him. Their hands were interlaced, and after a few
moments of looking, they simply moved on to the next painting.
He
hadn’t greeted them yet, so he stood and started to make his way over to
them.
To his left, he hard a metallic clatter, and then a voice he
knew too well.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Let me help you, oh – I am so
sorry.”
Turning, he saw her, just a few feet away. She was on her
knees, wiping up some red liquid on the floor as the waiter watched her
helplessly, trying to tell her not to bother. He walked over to her, and
looked down, then stooped and grabbed the towel she’d taken from the
waiter out of her hand and handed it back to the man.
“Uh, hi…” she
sounded breathless, and her cheeks were flushed.
He stood and held
his hand down for her. She took it and let him pull her to her feet.
Silently, he watched as she straightened and brushed her gray skirt, and
repositioned her sleeveless red top.
“I, uh…” she started to speak,
while studying her hands intently. She seemed even more nervous than
usual. “I’m here with Tess. My brother couldn’t make it until later, so,”
she shrugged as her words came out in a rush, “I’m sort of here in his
place.”
“Ok…” he didn’t really know how he was supposed to respond.
She didn’t need to apologize for being there.
“Well, I should go
find Tess,” she jerked her thumb to the left, and looked in that
direction, then quickly walked away.
He watched her go, watched her
halting gate as she hesitantly looked around for their friend. As usual,
he couldn’t take his eyes from her. She was captivating.
Earlier
that day, he’d wanted to ask her to come tonight.
They’d been
sitting at the little table in the café, like they did everyday. She was
droning on about something while he was eating the fruit she’d put in
front of him – he wasn’t allowed to choose his own food anymore, she’d
said that much chocolate mousse wasn’t ‘healthy’, and she’d started
bringing him ‘better’ things to eat. At one point, she’d looked up at him,
her face animated as she explained the issue she had with one of her
professors, and he’d wanted to ask her to come with him tonight. The
moment had been fleeting, and he’d resisted the urge. It was pointless, he
really wasn’t good for her, and she didn’t feel anything for him
anymore.
***
Maria didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t
ask anyone, and that only made things worse. At this point, she’d studied
nearly every piece in the room, and she hadn’t seen herself anywhere.
Should she be glad, or should she cry? What did it mean?
Glancing
across the room at him, she accidentally caught his eye, and then quickly
looked away. She felt strange about just showing up here, she probably
should have told him she was coming.
Moving toward the back of the
room, she saw the last two pieces hanging side by side. One was an empty
swing, the sort you’d find on a playground. The other was the one she’d
seen him working on, it was Isabel and Alex dancing at their wedding. She
stepped toward it hesitantly, and examined it in it’s finished
state.
***
Michael watched her carefully, he should never
have agreed to showing that one. He hadn’t known that she would come,
though.
Without another thought, he made his way over to her. He
stopped just behind her, resisting the urge to touch her. She seemed to
sense his presence, she tensed, and turned her head to the side to glance
at him. He watched as her tiny hand reached out, pointing at the scene in
the corner of the picture.
“Is that, um…?” her question hung in the
air.
“Yeah, it is,” he couldn’t deny it, he didn’t want to deny it,
besides - she already knew.
“Oh,” her voice was soft, and she
nodded slightly, then glanced to the side again, trying to look at
him.
His eyes traveled back to the painting, first to Isabel and
Alex, the false focal point, then to the shaded area in the upper corner.
He saw himself, looking at her as she stared at the couple with a look of
awe on her face. It was a reflection of how he’d felt at that moment,
watching her.
She turned around to face him, her lips moved
slightly as though she were trying to speak.
“I…” he didn’t know
why he opened his mouth, he didn’t really have anything to
say.
“Michael, where are the others?” she asked, staring at the
floor.
“Others?”
“The other ones,” she shrugged, and glanced
up at him, then quickly looked off to her right, “the other ones of
me.”
“Those are mine,” he was irritated, what did she think? That
he’d put those up in public? They were for him, they were inspired, they
were too personal – they were her.
She swallowed, and looked up at
him again, just for a moment.
That was what she thought of him. He
ran his hand through his hair quickly, and then backed away from
her.
***
Maria watched him go. She could hardly believe what
had just happened. The look, that look of pain, it had only been on his
face briefly, but she’d seen it…she’d put it there. Shaking her head
slightly, she turned back to the painting. To bask again in the truth of
it, to see the way he was looking at her in it. Their faces were shadowed,
and if she hadn’t been there, she probably would never have noticed, but
there it was.
“You’re Max and Liz’s friend, right?”
She
turned to see a very pregnant Isabel standing beside her, regarding the
piece as well.
“Yes, I’m Maria, actually we’ve met before,
Isabel.”
Isabel nodded, and gave her a tiny smile, “Yes, I
know.”
Maria didn’t really know what to say to the woman. She’d
heard that Alex had left her. As Liz put it, he ‘moved out’. Apparently,
he was still in town, still making doctor’s appointments for the baby, but
their marriage was over. She still remembered the way she’d felt when Liz
told her, it seemed so shocking, they seemed so much in love.
“He
captured you very well,” Maria said lamely, gesturing at the dancing
couple, not really knowing what to say.
“Yes,” Isabel nodded as she
continued to study it. After a moment, the woman took a step forward,
staring up into the corner as she absentmindedly rubbed her stomach,
“That’s him, there – that’s Michael.”
“Ah, yeah, I guess it is,”
Maria said softly, her eyes wandering back to the tiny
scene.
“Maria…” Isabel’s voice trailed off as she continued to
stare. “Is that you with him?”
Things were growing even more
uncomfortable, she shrugged and tried to be nonchalant, “I don’t
know.”
“It is, it’s you.”
Maria shrugged when Isabel turned
to stare at her.
“How long have you been with him?” Isabel asked,
her voice low.
“I-I’m not with him.”
Isabel stared at
her for a moment, then walked away.
***
Michael glanced back
and forth between Liz and Max. He still wasn’t sure how he’d ended up
going out for coffee with them. Looking across the table at Maria, he
remembered why he hadn’t left already.
“I felt sorry for Isabel,”
Liz said softly, glancing back and forth between Max and Maria.
Max
frowned, and nodded, “Yeah, I know.”
Maria seemed uncomfortable
with the subject, and began to fidget with her coffee cup, then she
reached across the table and broke off a piece of his sweet roll and ate
it.
“Uh, Maria, would you like your own roll?” Liz laughed softly,
sounding slightly embarrassed, looking first at Max and then at
him.
“Huh?” Maria asked her absently as she glanced around the
room.
Liz gave him an apologetic look, but he simply shook his
head. They didn’t have any way of knowing that she ate off his plate all
of the time.
“So, Maria, what did you think of Michael’s work?” Max
looked at the girl.
Michael watched her closely as her eyes darted
his way for a moment, then slid nervously back to Max.
“Oh, um, it
was really great,” she said, giving Max a polite smile.
“It really
was great, Michael,” Liz turned to him. “The one of Alex and Isabel at
their wedding was especially moving.”
He hated it when people
discussed his work, especially when they tried to involve him in the
discussion. Liz was staring at him now, expecting him to make some
insightful remark.
Maria cleared her throat and turned to Liz, “So,
are you excited about graduation, girl? Your parents must be so
proud.”
Liz seemed a little shocked at the turn of conversation,
and again shot apologetic looks first in Max’s direction, then in his. It
was starting to piss him off, this need she seemed to have to apologize
for Maria.
“Well, I’m proud,” Max said with a grin, interrupting
the small cloud of tension that had settled over the table.
Michael
watched for a moment as Max and Liz’s hands reached automatically across
the table to one another, he rolled his eyes, and caught the faint sound
of a snicker from Maria. He looked up at her, she had seen him, and was
trying not to laugh. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, for a reason
that he couldn’t even begin to fathom.
“Should we tell them?” Liz’s
lips curled into a smile as she gazed into her lover’s
eyes.
Michael watched in horrified wonder as Max sighed and gave
her a dreamy grin in return, “We should tell someone.”
“Ok,” Maria
leaned forward and waved her hand between the two, “I’m sure that this
little inside conversation you’re having is very fun for the two of you,
but the rest of us are a little lost.”
“Yeah,” Michael decided to
pitch in, “what’d you two do, get matching tattoos or
something?”
Max and Liz shared another ‘secretive’ smile. Had they
actually gotten tattoos? He was beginning to wonder when Max finally
spoke.
“We’re engaged.”
Engaged? Was the guy crazy? He’d
proposed to Tess a little over six months ago, now he was engaged to
Liz?
“Wow,” Maria said under her breath as she leaned back in her
chair and her eyes grew large and round.
“Uh, could one of you look
at me so that I can tell if this is a joke?” Michael spoke
sharply.
Liz finally broke their intense stare and turned to look
at Michael, “No, it’s not a joke.”
Michael turned to Max who
returned his gaze sheepishly, it was obvious that his friend knew what he
was thinking.
“Liz…” Maria spoke softly, and Michael glanced up to
see that she’d put a smile on her face for her friend’s sake.
“Congratulations, I guess…?”
Smiling, Liz nodded, “Isn’t it
wonderful?”
“Well,” Maria giggled nervously, “it’s a little fast,
but if you two are sure…”
“Never been so sure of anything in my
life,” Max said as he reached across the table with his other hand to
grasp Liz’s.
“Really?” Michael didn’t hide his sarcasm. “Are you as
sure as you were when you proposed to Tess in November?”
This was
going to kill Tess, he knew it was. She and Kyle were sort of seeing each
other, but hadn’t progressed at all, as far as he knew they hadn’t even
kissed yet. Max was still an issue for her.
Maria caught his eye
from across the table, and gave him a look of understanding. She was
thinking the same thing.
Max looked less than pleased, “Look,
Michael, I know that you haven’t exactly had an easy time with love, but
can’t you just be happy for us?”
Michael scoffed, “This has nothing
to do with me, Max, this has to do with you. You said yourself, you
haven’t told anyone else. Now, why is that?”
“We haven’t told
anyone because of Isabel and Alex,” Liz said, showing her irritation at
his lack of enthusiasm as she glared at him.
“Well,” Michael
shrugged, “you’re gonna’ do what you’re gonna’ do, so knock yourselves
out. Congratulations, or whatever.”
Max nodded at him, and he
nodded back.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Liz
snapped.
Maria put her hand on Liz’s arm, “He means
‘congratulations’, Liz, it’s just a little sudden – we’re a little
surprised, that’s all.”
An uncomfortable silence settled over the
table, and Michael studied Liz. She looked upset, and when he thought
about it, he couldn’t blame her, she seemed happy and it was obvious she
just wanted everyone else to be too. It didn’t really matter that much to
him, it was a mistake, but they’d just have to find that out for
themselves.
“Well,” Maria broke the silence, “have you set a
date?”
“No,” Max shook his head slowly, “we haven’t gotten that
far.”
“But,” Liz turned to Maria, and seemed to brighten a bit,
“I’d love for you to be a bridesmaid.”
Smiling, Maria nodded, “Of
course, and you caught me just in time too, I’ve got one more bridesmaid
card to play.”
Liz laughed a little, and Maria giggled as she
reached across the table and broke off another piece of his sweet roll and
at it.
“ Maria,” Liz chided.
“What?” Maria turned to
her friend with a cheery look as she popped the bite into her
mouth.
“You keep eating Michael’s roll, that’s a little rude,” Liz
tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced at Max for
confirmation.
Michael watched as Maria’s face turned red. She was
embarrassed, but not for eating his roll.
“Sorry,” Maria whispered
in his general direction.
He stared at her. She didn’t want them to
know that she did it out of habit, that much was obvious.
“
Michael,” Max nudged his elbow, “tell her you don’t mind.”
“She
knows I don’t mind,” he said, keeping his eyes on Maria. He didn’t care if
she got mad at him, he didn’t have anything to hide.
Max laughed
nervously, and looked at Maria, trying to joke through his own discomfort,
“Michael’s such a people person.”
“That’s it,” Michael pushed his
chair back and stood, pulling out his wallet and throwing some money onto
the table.
He looked first at Max, “You don’t need to apologize for
me.”
Next, he glared at Liz, “And, you don’t need to
apologize for her.”
Maria was staring at him, and he met her gaze,
he knew she’d probably turn him down for all of her good reasons, but he
was going to ask anyway, “Wanna’ get out of here?”
She hesitated.
Liz glanced at her questioningly, and Max was taking a very long, very
deep breath.
“Sure,” she said as she stood, “later,
guys.”
Before she could think better of it, he grabbed her hand and
pulled her out of the place behind him.
***
Maria glanced in
his direction, he caught her and gazed back for a moment before letting
his eyes slide back to the road.
Liz had probably already left her
fifty messages by now. There would have to be explanations for this. She
could hear it now, ‘What is going on between you and Michael?’. At the
moment, she didn’t really care.
Being here, in his car, with
him…she felt better than she had all night. Her thoughts drifted back to
the gallery, the painting…
“I guess I won’t be your dirty little
secret anymore, huh?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“What?” she
turned to him.
“You heard me,” he said as he rested his elbow on
the door and ran a hand through his hair.
“If anyone’s the
dirty little secret…” she said under her breath.
“I heard that.
What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What did you
mean?”
“God, I don’t get you,” he said more to himself than to her
as he looked off to the side and shook his head exasperatedly.
“Why
did you ask me to come with you, then?”
“I don’t know,” he
mumbled.
“Right,” she nodded, pursing her lips. She was angry.
Angry that he was so difficult, angry that she was hurt, angry that he was
always turning things upside down - angry that she loved him so damned
much.
“I was trying to save you from going into sugar shock,” he
said.
Dammit, just when she wanted to be mad at him…
“Yeah,
I guess I should thank you for that,” she said softly, trying to bite back
a smile.
“I can’t believe he’s marrying her,” he said, shaking his
head again.
How did they go from an argument to this?
“Well,
they seem to be really in love…”
“Love,” he
snorted.
“What?”
“Come on, love? What is love,
anyway?” his tone was almost condescending.
“What do you mean ‘what
is love’? Love is what makes the world go ’round,” she bit
back.
“Yeah, whatever. Love is bullsh*t.”
Suddenly, she was
on the verge of tears. Love wasn’t bullsh*t. Love sucked, but it wasn’t
bullsh*t. She was in love with him, and she knew it, at that moment, she
realized just how much in love she was – the pain his words brought proved
it. Trying to steel herself, she sat up straight. This thing with him
would go away eventually, she didn’t need to let it get to her like this.
Michael Guerin wasn’t the most important thing in her life.
She
swallowed hard, and tried to keep her mouth closed. Tried not to say
something that would only make the hurt worse.
Her words came out
of their own volition, soft and low, “Love isn’t bullsh*t.”
He
didn’t speak, but she could feel his eyes on her. She looked out the side
window, not wanting to risk him seeing the tears she was holding back in
her eyes.
“How do you know?”
His question caught her off
guard. The tone he used wasn’t snide, it was normal, almost as if he
wanted an answer.