Title: The Shadow
Author: Belit
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Aliens left in "Departure"... Uuuhh... That's all I can muster really...
Author's Note: I know I shouldn't be writing this right now but I couldn't help it, I needed to get away from Timeless, it's suffocating me. This will be short. Three short parts, maybe ten pages total... Well, hope you'll like it.

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Part 1

I walk down the dark streets inconspicuously, dressed in black from head to toe. I enjoy the feeling of the wind on my face, the smell of thrash coming from a nearby container, even the sound of an occasional passing car. It’s been over a year since I came back, but I still can't make myself believe that I am here. To stay.

Earth. Who could have guessed that I would miss it that much? Not me. I worked my ass off to get off this planet. And I did. But for what? I’ve been so blind. I would have done everything so differently if I could see things the way I do now.

It’s surprising how people you think you know so well turn out to be something so different. I thought I knew Maxwell. I once thought I knew Isabel. But once we got to that damned planet, I figured things weren't always as they seemed.

Royalty. Being a royal isn't what it’s cracked up to be. There are always people telling you what to do, how to act, what to say. It’s just one big puppet show really. Why else would they let four teenagers rule a planet? Of course it was a show.

We had the faces they needed; we inherited the names they wanted to call us. And then we were ready. Ready to rule a planet. Yeah, right.

Max was a natural. Really, he could be an actor, a really good one. He acts his part so well. He gets into the character. He let himself be called Zan in a day, and started to call me Rath in a week. He said it was only appropriate, but I knew it was bulls-hit. A part of him wanted to be Zan. King Zan.

Isabel wasn’t as enthusiastic about being a princess. She became one soon though. A cold, distant one. She wasn’t the Isabel I saw laughing with Alex Whitman. She wasn’t the Isabel who wanted desperately to share her deepest secret with her human parents. She was Vilandra, the ice queen. I think it was Alex’s death that pushed her over that edge. She had lost faith. So she stayed there, where no one knew who she really was, and no one cared. Where no one knew about Alex Whitman and what loving her cost him. Where she could punish herself without being interrupted.

I feel bad about leaving her there. But I had to. It was hard enough to convince them that I wanted to come back, pulling an unwilling royal with me was impossible. And I honestly didn’t know what awaited me here, even if I could make it all the way back. I don’t trust their technology, I never did. I have no reason to trust something I don’t understand.

I never understood Maria though, but always trusted her. Everything gets mixed up when it comes to her…

Anyway, I left Isabel behind. With Max. Or Zan. Whatever. I would have liked to hope that she'd be happy, but I know she won't. So I just hope that she'll be safe.

I walk slowly, all my senses on alert. That’s the only thing I gained from my four years on Antar. Control and focus. I can use my powers now. I can do things I couldn’t even imagine before. I can't dreamwalk or heal though. Not like them anyway. My powers are different. Much more powerful, but in a destructive kind of way. Not surprising, considering the source of my genes. Rath. The big warrior.

Tess made a great queen. She was made to be one. Come to think of it, of course, why not, right? She was designed to be The Queen Of Antar. Well, they did a great job then. It worked perfectly.

Max and Tess didn’t even get a wedding, since they already were married in that other life. “Till death do us apart” doesn’t mean s-hit to those guys. They made a good couple though; they are both good at acting appropriately, although they were never really together. But they will be, I know. As long as they are stuck there, they will give in. Not like giving in to their feelings, since they don’t have any towards each other, but they’ll give in to the image. Who would understand them better than each other anyway?

Isabel and I refused to get married. They were a little scared of me –they thought I was Rath I guess- so they couldn’t push. Isabel wasn’t any less frightening though, I have to admit. She managed to even scare me sometimes.

Max gave me a letter with a ring as I was leaving. He asked me to give them to Liz. I don’t know if he promised her a return or not, but I knew a part of her would always wait for him, refuse to move on. Max knew it too I guess, but I'm not sure of his intentions of giving me those things. A ring? A ring meant promise. What could he possibly promise her when he had decided to become Zan? I took them with me, and simply nodded to him. I didn’t promise him anything. I hate breaking promises.

The journey back wasn’t the most comfortable, but the relief of stepping on the desert sand was worth it. I remember back on Antar waking up everyday wishing to see a blue sky. But it was never there. The green clouds mocked me with their beauty every time I looked at them longingly. They were beautiful, magnificent, but always seemed bland to me. They lacked something. They weren't the blue and white ones I was so used to. They weren't the ones I looked up at, as I dreamed about home. They weren't surrounding a planet I wanted to be on.

The first thing I did was to look for Liz. First came duty, always. I would find Liz, give her Max’s stuff, and then start the rest of my life without interruptions or hesitations. Then I could find her. My reason.

I found Liz in LA. I got her address, and walked there impatiently. I wanted desperately to get it over and done with. But when I reached her house, and caught a glimpse from her window, I knew it was over.

Liz was sitting next to a fireplace with her husband’s arms around her. They looked peaceful together. Liz was happy. Not almost happy like the way she was when she was with Max, but happy, really happy and serene. And she was pregnant.

Her husband was older than her, but he looked like a nice guy, just like she deserved. He was rubbing her stomach lovingly, as he spoke kindly to her ear, making her giggle. Liz never giggled.

I left her place in a daze, and threw Max’s stuff in a trashcan on my way. She didn’t deserve to get all f-ucked up again over the alien crap. Or over Max. Max was dead anyway. Liz had loved Max, not Zan. There was no Max anymore.

I walked and walked that night, until my legs refused to carry me any longer. Then I collapsed on the pavement and thought about her. All I could do was picture her as I had seen Liz. Happily married. Pregnant maybe.

Happy. Something I had never managed to make her.

Could I make her happy this time? Or just f-uck up her life again? Could I just watch her from afar as I did Liz, and leave if she was okay? Could I walk away without holding her once? Could I walk away with my heart still beating?

No, I decided. I couldn’t.

So I stopped looking for her.

Then came the question. What was my reason now? I simply didn’t have one. I was still alive, but there was no explanation as to why I kept breathing. I slept on the streets for a week, just surviving, trying to numb my brain to avoid thinking…

Then the reason found me one night. I wasn’t looking. I was simply sitting on a sidewalk, pitying myself, and wishing for a quick death. I heard the girl scream, ask for help, and saw two guys pulling her towards a dark alley, one of them grabbing her purse, the other tearing her clothes.

Something inside me snapped. The next thing I knew I was standing over the guys, both of them passed out. I had used my powers in front of her, but the girl wasn’t freaking. She looked grateful, and gave me a smile that warmed my freezing heart a little.

That was how it started. That was how I became who I am now. The Shadow. Don’t get me wrong, I'm not Superman. More like Batman maybe. I'm not doing this from the goodness of my heart. I need to do this.

They thought me who Rath was when I was in Antar. They showed me how he fought. They made me watch his battles. They made me see how much he killed. How much I killed. I hated them for it. But I hated myself more than anything. Even though I don’t remember it, I am that guy. They are my sins. I am the one to pay.

So since I can't have my heaven on earth, I decided to carry my hell to it. I'm not into charity, everyone knows that. This is simply my redemption.

The papers surprisingly didn’t call me a freak. They called me a gift of god; they called me LA’s salvation. Each of them gave me different names, different stories. But now, after a year, they all call me The Shadow, the hero rising from darkness, the saviour of all things pure. Whereas I’m simply Michael Guerin, the alien who chose to be a human.

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