PART 24


FLASH

His heart is beating like crazy. A girl that smells like flowers and feels like silk is lying on top of him. His lips are tingling. Curiosity. Who is she? Is this a dream?

FLASH

He’s watching her cook, trying to convince himself that it must be his imagination, no girl can possibly look that enchanting.

FLASH

Reaching for a plate, he’s almost sure she can hear his heart beat. She is so close. That smell. It’s driving him crazy. He’s thinking it must be alien related, his reaction to that smell. It’s not normal.

FLASH

He’s watching her talk with Alex, and thinking. Would she have been his, if she’d never left? What would she had done if she’d found out what he was? Would she had done everything Liz had done for Max? Would they have had something close? Intimate?

FLASH

He’s watching her face for some reaction, but she isn’t moving. His fears keep chanting in his head. “ She’s going to die. She’s going to die.” He’s refusing to believe it as he’s trying to fight the tears. She can’t die. She’s too young to die. Too beautiful. Smells too good. He needs her too much. She can’t die.

FLASH

He wakes up in her arms. Excitement. Joy. Fear. He has to put her to her own bed. He can’t let her know. It’s too much. He’s too scared.

FLASH

He sees her sick. Her face is pale, she looks small. He wants to take care of her. He can’t understand why. He never took care of anyone. This thing he’s feeling is not right.

FLASH

Liz is pregnant. Everything is crashing down on him. He wants to run. But where? You can’t run to another planet. He wants to die. He knows everything had been leading up to this moment for years, since the shooting, but this makes it real. He’s lonely, he’s bitter, he’s going to die this way.

FLASH

She’s telling him she is his friend. Why? Why would anyone want to be his friend when he doesn’t even want to be himself?

FLASH

She has a boyfriend. Jealousy. Anger. Denial. It’s not up to him as he had always presumed it for them to be together. She has something better out there waiting for her than Roswell New Mexico and Michael Guerin the loser alien.

FLASH

He watches them danced, confused over his dreams and jealous that the guy is holding her so close. Then he figures out about the dreams. Her memories. He refuses to believe it. She had hurt so much.

FLASH

She’s dancing with him. He has to focus to keep his mind working and away from where she’d placed his hands. Then she asks him to come to LA with her, says she’s not going out with the guy. He wants to forget everything and kiss her. Forget Max, forget Antar, forget Roswell… Just leave…

FLASH

Fear. Raw fear. The guy is touching her. Anger takes over. He controls himself though. Can’t make a mistake. It’s Maria.

FLASH

Relief as he’d never felt before. She’s alright. He can’t believe it. He’s checking her again and again to make sure. His fear of failing had never been this strong. He can’t afford to fail when it’s about her.

FLASH

She’s waiting and he can’t get himself to talk. He’s terrified. He keeps seeing her face contorted in disgust and fear in his mind. Why did she want him to tell her? He’s not sure if he can handle rejection. He had never told it to anyone before. So he blurts it out.

“I’m not human.”

FLASH

He’s lost to everything around him. His senses are in overload. He’s kissing her and she’s kissing him back. Why? He has no idea. She knows and still she’s kissing him with so much passion he wants to pinch himself to see if he’s dreaming. He’s not sure if he can stop it this time. He’s not sure if he wants to stop it.

FLASH

He’s inside her. Not just a part of him, it feels like she had engulfed all of him. It feels safe. He wants to stay there, at that moment for eternity. But it also gives him this painful, torturous pleasure. His whole body is shaking as he hears her whimper his name in a daze. He wants to sob like a baby, cry like he’s never let himself before.

FLASH

He sees her dream. The backyard, the house, the baby. Himself. He’s there. But that’s not him. It can't be him. He can't look that soft. He can't hold a baby that delicately. He can't smile like he knows everything there's to know. He's not capable of being that man. He can't do it. He's going to fail her. She wants too much, needs too much, deserves too much.

“This was a mistake.”

FLASH

He hears her soft sob and quiet plea. He runs. He runs till he can't move anymore. He wants to run till he dies, till the pain goes away. But he doesn’t die and the pain stays.

FLASH

They are on the road. How long has it been? What day is it? It doesn’t really matter. All he knows is he’s driving now and when it’s night he’ll be with her.

FLASH

He checks the map. He’s headed towards LA. He knows he didn’t do it on purpose. He hadn't checked the map in weeks. He can't help but hope to see her there. Just for a moment. From afar. So he could have another mental picture of her to keep.

FLASH

Her pain. She is in pain. She can be dying. He doesn’t even have a phone. Desperation. What happened to her? He will kill, if anyone touched her.

FLASH

She’s yelling at him for his hair. He wants to smile but he knows it wouldn’t look appropriate. He can't believe that she’s there. She’s alive. And talking to him again. He doesn’t even want to grab and kiss her, hearing her voice is more than enough.

FLASH

She did it again. She’s putting herself in danger. Why the hell is she so annoying? He would kill himself and find her in afterlife to yell at her if she gets herself killed.

FLASH

He has to stay away. She deserves better. He can't watch her throw away her life to be with him only to realize he can't give her what she needs. He has to be a wall. Never let anything get through. He has to lock that selfish side of him away that wants to be with her. She doesn’t know. He can't use her.

FLASH

He walks in to hear her singing. He’s not strong enough anymore. Tomorrow. He will leave tomorrow, or his resolves will crumble.


Maria opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear her mind. She was panting from all the emotions. Her whole body was shaking. She tried to sit up but noticed the arms holding her.


She found the eyes she adored looking at her with concern. “I'm okay.” She said softly. But she wasn’t okay. She was nowhere near okay. She was miserable, she was angry. But she was also determined. She would kick his ass for hurting himself so much once she’s back in reality.


She watched him carefully, he wasn’t letting her go. “So you're the selfish part that got locked away, huh?” she asked, a small smile playing on her lips. His face held a pained expression for a moment. He held her tightly to his chest and kissed the top of her head.


“I can't let you go. But you deserve better. And you'll have something better.”


She pushed him away to look at his face. “Oh no! you're not doing this to me again! God knows your real-life-self does it enough, I don’t need it from you too!”


She cupped his face and brought him closer. Her voice was softer when she spoke. “Listen to me, I’ll go now and straighten things up. But I want you to promise me that you won’t let me go. And please don’t punish yourself for wanting this. Please Michael! I need you. Please.”


She was begging. She was desperate. He looked at her with sad and teary eyes. He looked long and hard, without responding but studying her face. Then he smiled. A small but genuine Michael Guerin smile.


“I love you.”


Her heart literally jumped at his words. Her stomach quivered, her eyes filled with tears. She had heard them before, from various different people, but it had never meant that much. It had never meant the world, universe, life itself.


So she kissed him. Giving him herself, which was all she had to give, and all he could ever ask for.


She smiled against his lips and caressed the sides of his face lazily. “Now I’ll go and kick your ass.” She said happily. “Don’t ever think about trapping yourself in a tree again and don’t let that annoying stupid part of you take charge! Okay?”


Giving him one more small kiss, she reluctantly got up. ”Now, how the hell am I supposed to get out of here?”


- - -


FLASH

He’s smirking at her. How dare he? She wants to punch him for the pleasure he had given her with one simple kiss.

FLASH

Too bad he doesn’t live in LA. She would have jumped his bones at first sight…

FLASH

She’s looking through his sketches. Surprise. Awe. So he’s not just the delinquent he appears to be.

FLASH

He’s so annoying! And sexy… God, that shirt and his arms… How the hell can his arms look so sexy? And those hands… Don’t even go there. This will be a long month!

FLASH

Liz. She’s with Max Evans. And Alex with Isabel Evans. So that makes him Michael Guerin. Michael Guerin, the cool guy from high school. Michael Guerin, who she’d had a huge crush on but would never admit. He still is cool. And she still has that crush… Oh God…

FLASH

They are lying. Her heart broke with every word. She isn’t wanted here obviously. She is finally getting what she had deserved.

FLASH

She’s sick. She can't even gather enough strength to walk. And he’s there to make it all worse. He’s standing there, looming over her all god-like, mocking her like he doesn’t give a damn. It hurts. She wants him to give a damn.

FLASH

Liz is pregnant. Why is he angry? Why is Liz scared? Only one thing comes to her mind. He loves Liz. She doesn’t want to believe it but something freaky is going on…

FLASH

He’s crying in her arms. She wants to take the pain away. It hurts to see him hurt. He says he’s lonely. Why? He shouldn’t be. He’s this exquisite person, how can he be so miserable?

FLASH

“Stay.” She doesn’t want to say no to him. She wants to stay. She wants to feel him against her, get lost in his arms and listen to his heart beat. She wants to be the one to give him what he needs. Cause he is special. He makes her feel.

FLASH

She is lying to him. She doesn’t want to lie to him but it’s hard to resist. How would he react? Would he be mad that she has a boyfriend? Would he be jealous?

FLASH

Max says he doesn’t have anyone. “He doesn’t like being known.” But she knows he wants to be known, he needs it. He needs a friend. And she would try to give it to him no matter what.

FLASH

She hates it. She hates that she needs to leave. She hates that he’s so confusing. She hates that she can't just take care of him. No matter how hard she tries to convince herself that he’s old enough to take care of himself, her heart never believes it. So she swallows her pride. “You can come to LA…”

FLASH

“You’re not scary.” She wants to scream to him to kiss her but doubts that it would be helpful. She craves for his lips, his touch… The shriek coming from upstairs makes her jump. What was that?

FLASH

The guy touches her and she feels sick. She holds herself together though. She has to. For Liz and Max. And Michael would come. She knows it. She trusts him. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

FLASH

He’s not human. And he thinks she would hate him for it. Why? If anything it makes her love him more. She knows it now, she loves him. There’s no way to deny it anymore. She is in love with him. And she wants him. She wants him so bad, it hurts.

FLASH

He’s kissing her. His lips so soft and hot, just like she remembered, and his touch, still so gentle, like she would brake. He looks at her with want, desire and awe… She knows from that moment on she will live for that look.

FLASH

He is inside her. She feels him all over her skin. There’s no denying that she would never be able to live without that feeling from now on. This is her new addiction. Not sex, not orgasm, but feeling Michael.

FLASH

He’s gone before her clouded brain could process what he had said. Her world shatters. No. She must have done something wrong. Why doesn’t he want her anymore? How can she breathe now without him? She closes her eyes and wishes to die with all her heart.

FLASH

She’s home, watching the not so bright stars. It doesn’t feel like home though. It’s too lonely, too quiet. Everything looks strange. She clutches the alien doll to her chest. The t-shirt smells like him. Tears roll down her cheeks. It smells like home.

FLASH

Her guitar sounds far away. She scribbles down the words almost in a daze. She doesn’t even read them twice. She needs to get them all out before they burst out of her.

FLASH

She needs to get her life back, feel the power. The guy’s breath makes her want to pull away but she doesn’t let herself. She needs this. As he penetrates her all she can feel is pain. It hurts. Not just physically. Her mind hurts. Her heart hurts. She wants to scream.

FLASH

She watches her friends. Warmth. Nancy and Drew. She’ll never have that. Envy. Sadness.

FLASH

Michael’s voice… After all this time… She feels blessed and curses herself for it. Liz. She’s pregnant. And lonely. Anger. Pain. She remembers her own pregnancy. Liz shouldn’t go through that.

FLASH

They are coming. She has to keep herself busy to stop trembling. Michael’s coming. Will he hate her? Will he be mean to her? She tries not to think but it’s all she can do.

FLASH

She’s singing. It makes her feel complete again. When she closes her eyes she can almost touch him. She sings for hours but it feels like seconds. She opens her eyes and he’s gone. Pain. Disappointment.

FLASH

Michael’s here. Her heart is going to burst out of her chest. He looks older and sexy as hell. But the hair… What happened to his spikes? How dare he change it?

FLASH

Max is crying in her arms. She doesn’t want to like him. He was mean to Michael. But he looks so pathetic. And he’s on the verge of losing a baby. She knows that pain.

FLASH

She wakes up in his arms. Safe. Secure. Michael. He’s so close she can smell him. She touches his face. Will she ever get over him? Ever love someone that much again? She wants to believe it but refuses to lie to herself. She knows it. He will be the one and only.

FLASH

He’s going to reverse it. He doesn’t want to feel her. She wants to fight her way through it to keep what she wants, needs, craves, but it doesn’t mean anything if he can't even stand to feel her. How did this happen she wonders. How did she fall so deep?

FLASH

Liz says he is no good. She knows she’s her friend and only trying to help, but she won't just sit there while she insults him. He belongs to her no matter what he thinks. His body knows that. It tells her when its hurt so she can help him. And she will. No matter what.

“You have no idea who Michael Guerin is. So please don’t assume you do, okay?”

FLASH

Liz forgives her. She says it wasn’t her fault. Relief. She feels lighter. Years of guilt is gone in minutes. It’s not weighing her down anymore. She feels like she can fly…

FLASH

Our baby. He said our baby. She is paralysed. She just wants to collapse in his arms. Is there still a chance?

FLASH

She can't breathe. It’s over. He thinks she’s a whore. He thinks she should go f-uck someone else. The world might as well end right that minute. She can't see herself living another day.

FLASH

She’s walking towards their table with determined steps. She’s not a coward. She is the kind of person that would die standing, with her honour. Well, that’s not exactly death, but close enough…


Michael opened his eyes but for a moment all he could see was darkness. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to breathe. All that pain… It was almost physical.


He felt her hand on his cheek. She was watching him with loving eyes. How could she still love him? How could she still care? But she did. He knew that now.


She pulled his hand away from the sphere. He couldn’t protest. He felt himself being pulled away to the real world. She smiled at him through her tears.


“Trust me Michael.”


He opened his eyes in the backroom of the bar once again.

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