PART 14


Isabel walked on the unnaturally bright green grass towards the playground. She could hear children’s voices. Carefree laughter and joy of childhood. Freedom and carelessness. Things she was never allowed to have.


It was surprising that she could enter Michael’s dream that easily this time. She had been trying for a couple of days now and she had found herself blocked every time she’d tried. Michael was never easy, he usually was closed off to invaders but this time felt different.


It wasn’t the normal mental wall Michael had. She couldn’t reach him this time because there was nothing to reach. She would know if he was awake, that wasn’t an option. So that left one thing. Michael was dreamwalking.


Isabel knew it wasn’t possible. Michael couldn’t even heat a cup of tea without breaking it, thinking of him dreamwalk was just insane. But she was out of ideas.


She reached the playground and looked around for Michael. She passed a couple of mothers playing with their children and saw him. She held her breath. He was there, sitting under a tree watching the children play. But the thing that made Isabel stop on her tracks wasn’t that.


She stopped because what she saw was something she hadn't seen since their childhood and even back then it was a rare occasion. It was something she never thought she would ever see again. Something unfamiliar and strange. Michael Guerin was smiling.


She stopped and watched him watch the children. Then she followed his gaze and found the little kid he was watching so intently.


It was a little girl with long, blond hair. She was running around with other children and laughing. She had a rich laughter, full of life. Her hair was bouncing around as she moved making her look more animated, more alive. She looked around as Isabel watched her and spotted Michael. She waved her little hand to him and turned back to play with her friends again.


Isabel watched the interaction in awe. It was beautiful and weird and unexpected to see Michael like that. She shook her head to clear it. This was just a dream. It was… unusual, that was true, but it was just a dream nevertheless.


She reached the tree that Michael was sitting under and sat near him. He didn’t even acknowledge her presence. He just kept watching the little girl with shining eyes and a small smile playing on his lips.


“Who is that girl?”


Isabel felt everything freeze after she heard her voice. It was her voice, just her normal everyday voice. But somehow it was inappropriate. Time stood still. It was too quiet all of a sudden. There was no laughter or wind or birds, just total silence.


Then Isabel felt the shifting in the air. It was changing. She turned her head to look at the now too silent children only to find them gone.


They were in the desert when the shifting ended. Nothing but rocks and sand as far as the eye could see. It was cold and empty. She was afraid to talk again. She feared to cause another change in his dream although she knew for sure that she couldn’t possible change someone else’s dream.


Michael’s voice took her away from her thoughts. “Isabel.”


She looked at his face. That was Michael Guerin alright! No smile, just the worry and scowling lines… His relaxed calm stance was gone, instead he looked tired and guarded.


“I…Uh…” She couldn’t gather her thoughts to form a sentence or remember where she was and why she had come there for a moment.


“What are you doing here?”


“Kyle called.” She finally blurted out. She wanted it to be over quickly so she could get out of there. She could feel clearly that she wasn’t wanted.


She watched with wonder as his expression changed into a one of panic and worry. “Why? What happened?”


“He didn’t say anything. He was pissed. He wants you to contact him or go to him or something. I don’t know what it’s about.”


He looked suspicious. “He didn’t say anything else?”


“Well, he said that it wouldn’t be pretty when he finds you. And I think he called you an a-sshole.” Isabel was waiting for a classic Michael fury but was disappointed.


Michael just sat there looking at his boots and thinking.


- - -


“Hey Mars, look what I bought you!” Tom chimed the moment he entered the apartment.


Maria didn’t even move from her place on the couch. Tom approached her with caution. When he came near enough he heard the sob escaping her lips.


“WHAT HAPPENED??” he shouted panicking. “Mars, what’s wrong.”


Kyle entered the room with a huge chocolate bar in his hand and a scowl in his face. “She’s been watching those damn movies again.” He whined.


Tom released the breath he’s been holding. “Oh, okay then.”


Kyle took a bite from the chocolate and made an approving sound before checking its cover for the name.


Maria snatched it from his hands. “Hey!” Her eyes were fierce and threatening. “Mine!”


Kyle held his hands up in surrender as she took a huge bite. “Hmm.” He looked at Tom with questioning eyes. He was getting worried. Maria had been crying all day and eating like a cow. He was starting to think that it could be alien related.


Tom shrugged. “Mood swings. THAT time of the month.”


“Oh.” Kyle wasn’t sure if he was relieved or terrified. This happened every month? God! He needed to move. Fast!


Tom gave Maria the bag he was carrying. “That’s for you little lady.” Maria looked at him, raising an eyebrow.


“What is it this time?” She took out the bottle inside and sighed. “Peach?”


“Yeah, it’s supposed to be relaxing.” Tom looked proud, Kyle was just plain amused.


“Tom this is the fifth one this week. What are you up to?”


Tom feigned innocence, opening his eyes big and fluttering his eyelashes. “I just want you to have long, warm, relaxing baths. And it will be good for your cramps, you know it.”


Maria didn’t buy it, but her fetish of scents was kicking in at the rich smell of peach. “Oh, okay. I’ll just go try this one.” She smiled. “I’ll smell like peaches.” Her face crumpled in confusion. “Is that a good thing?”


“Yes, of course it is.” Tom wiggled his eyebrows to Kyle. Kyle looked confused for a moment then rushed to help him out. “Yeah, sure, peaches are great!”


Maria, not aware of the clumsy attempts of the guys, made her way absentmindedly to the bathroom.


Tom met Kyle’s eyes and sighed. “That was close.”


“Yeah, we need to find another way to do this. Maybe we could give her sleeping pills or something.” Tom threw him a don’t-be-dumb look. Kyle gave up easily. “Okay, so we don’t give her pills.”


They sat on the couch facing each other and started their daily discussion on how to get Maria back. It had been a week since their last attempt, the poker night, and they had been gathering information and planning since then.


“So any bright ideas?”


Kyle was sick of this. They weren't going anywhere with those sessions. They’d talked and analyzed every possibility; parties, therapy, vacation, skiing, forcing her back to work again… Tom had eliminated them one by one. He had a million reasons. She would get drunk, get pissed and kill the therapist, get lost, break her neck or terrorize the soon to be married couples… the list just went on like that.


“I’ve been thinking…” Tom began. Kyle rolled his eyes. Oh boy…


“…It’s not about forgetting and moving on for her. She doesn’t want to forget. She just wants to…” Tom couldn’t find the word.


Kyle saw there was something different this time. Tom was onto something. “To what?”


“To deal I guess.” Tom shrugged.


“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kyle was expecting something miraculous. What was that supposed to mean now? To deal?


“You know, it’s like an open wound. She doesn’t want to just cover it and forget the pain. That’s not what she needs. She needs to look into it and let it heal. Take the time. You know?”


Kyle nodded tentatively. Actually he had no idea what he was talking about. All that metaphors again. He hated that s-hit!


Tom got all excited all of a sudden. He knew he’d solved it. They were finally progressing! He started pacing. “That’s what we did wrong! We tried to cover it. With alcohol or guys or friends! But that’s not how it works. We need to help her find a way to heal!”


Kyle felt like he had to say something under Tom’s expectant gaze. “Ooo-kay… How would she heal?”


Tom sat on the couch near Kyle and took his telling-a-story stance. “You knew Maria from school, right? You know how she looked back then?"


Kyle nodded, not sure where this was heading. Tom continued. “When I first met her, she had short hair. She had cut it really short.” Kyle felt the expectant gaze again.


“And?”


“When you knew her, in school, she had short hair, right?”


“Yes. And your point?”


Kyle noticed that Tom had a proud -almost smug- smirk on his face, which was so unlike him. “Her father used to love her hair. Long and curly. That was how it used to be when she was little. When they spent time alone together, Mars and that bastard I mean, he used to play with her hair. And she loved it. It was their special thing. She felt like she was important for him. Well, whatever! That’s not the point now.”


“After her father left… Well actually after she realized that he was gone for sure, around like when she was eleven I guess, she cut it. As a revenge or something. She kinda wanted to make him mad.”


“Did she tell you all this?” Kyle was terrified at Tom’s insight. Tom was just plain scary. He knew too much. How? Kyle had no idea. He didn’t even know that it was possible to know so much about someone else. Hell, he didn’t even know that much about himself.


“No, of course not. I figured out the most. She doesn’t like talking about these things.”


Kyle agreed Maria for the first time about Tom. He definitely analyzed too much. “Okay, then what does this have to do with us now?”


“Wait, I’m getting there. So, she started to grow back her hair when her father returned. Don’t look like that. She wasn’t aware of it or anything. At least she wasn’t till I told her. Anyway, after the bastard left, she cut it again. Really short this time, she really was pissed.”


Kyle interrupted. “But you know, women tend to do that a lot. I mean they always cut their hair when they face depression. It might not mean anything.”


“Yeah, it might not, but believe me, it does. I know it does.”


“I still don’t see the connection.”


“Stop interrupting and I’ll hopefully explain before she gets out of the tub! Where was I? Oh, yes, the healing part. After I realized what she was doing, I explained to her that she was subconsciously burying her problems. She cut her hair because it reminded her of her pain every time she looked in a mirror. When she saw a short haired version of herself she didn’t have to deal with her hatred for her father.”


“First she refused to listen to me, but then next thing I knew she was growing it back. And slowly, watching her hair grow every day, she let go of the hatred. It didn’t make her forgive her father, it just helped her deal with her loss. She stopped running. I can't believe I couldn’t think of this before, but Kyle this time we forced her to run and she refused.”


Tom sighed. “She is growing up. She figured this one out herself. I'm afraid she won’t need me anymore.”


Kyle laughed at his words and expression. “You sound like her mother.“


Tom was still serious. “Well, I was, you know. I was practically her everything after Colin. It’s hard enough to see you guys back in her life and now she’s growing up! She’s gonna leave me eventually but this is too soon.”


Kyle rolled his eyes. Was it full moon or something? It wasn’t just Maria’s period, there was something in the air.


“But, I’m getting sidetracked. I didn’t want to believe her wound was this deep. But apparently it is. And she already knows what to do. We just need to find, how?”


This much talk and Kyle was still wondering what Tom was talking about. “How what?”


Oh man, stupid jock! “How to heal. There must be something to help her. Like growing her hair did.”


“And you have no idea what that is?”


“Uh… No. Not yet.”


“Oh, great! All this bulls-hit and you have no idea what to do!”


“Well, let’s hear it from you. What did you find, jock-brain?”


“I found a f-ucking box full of lyrics and notes!”


Tom stopped and thought for a moment. “Where did you exactly find this box?” This smelled of trouble.


Kyle looked down, up, around… anywhere but his eyes. He mumbled something incoherent.


“What?”


“I said I found it under her bed, okay?” Tom’s hand flew to his chest involuntarily and he held his breath in horror.


“You know she’ll kill you, right?”


“It’s for her own good.” Kyle reasoned, more to himself than to Tom. “She’ll thank me later.”


“Don’t count on it pal.”


They tiptoed to the bathroom and headed for her bedroom after they listened to her splash around for a bit. Kyle took out the box and handed him some papers.


Tom was amazed. All this time he’d known her, she had never mentioned her singing and music. He read some of her lyrics. They were good. Heartfelt. Intense. And unfortunately dark.


“I had no idea she could sing.” Kyle felt in advantage for the first time since this quest had begun. So Tom wasn’t perfect. Thank God!


“She sang all the time in school. She has real talent. She always wanted to be a singer. I don’t know why she let it go.” It was his turn to look smug now. “She plays guitar.”


Kyle walked to her closet and opened its door to reveal a guitar. He heard Tom’s intake of breath and snickered. He was having fun.


The guitar was old and dusty. Obviously got out of an attic or some kind of storage. Kyle closed the door and sat next to the box again. They looked through the lyrics, Tom’s brain working hard and fast, considering possibilities.


“Listen to this…

I bleed as I try not to wait
I fear it might already be too late
And my heart aches as my will breaks
Darkness creeps up on me

Man, this can’t be good.”


Tom had to disagree. He knew Maria. She was an expressive person. She talked about her problems. When she couldn’t talk, she needed another way to get them out. That was it. Songs were her way of healing.


Kyle was still reading while Tom celebrated his new perspective.

“Hope is sweet
But it’s poisoning
Feel my need
Spaceboy
Come to me…

This is so NOT good.” Kyle was shaking his head, like he was willing them to go away. He didn’t want it to be this real, solid thing. Reading those lyrics were like holding her bleeding to death in his arms. Those made her pain real. And he hated seeing it.


“Are you sure these are new? I mean she could have kept them here forever. They don’t really mean anything.”


Kyle shook his head. Spaceboy? They were new alright. “You have to trust me this time Tom. These are about Guerin.”


- - -


Meanwhile, somewhere far away from them, Michael Guerin suddenly woke up from his troubled sleep with a feeling of uneasiness and a searing pain in his stomach.

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