PART 10


Michael was in a bed. A familiar bed with plain white sheets. He recognized it as his bed but it felt different somehow. HE felt different, like he didn’t belong there. He raised his head up a little to see the person lying next to him. It was a total shock to see himself sleeping peacefully.


So it was one of those dreams; Maria Dreams as he liked to call them. He wanted to look down and see Maria to be sure, but he couldn’t. Nothing was his choice, he was caught in a piece of memory. So he gave up and tried to see what she saw and feel what she felt. He took a journey in her mind.


She was lying close to him, her body plastered to his, his hand securely around her waist holding her close. She let herself enjoy his scent; sweet yet masculine. It made her feel both the excitement of novelty and the comfort of familiarity. More contradictions! That was great, like she didn’t have enough! Her thoughts and instincts told her very different stories about him and she was very confused and pissed.


She placed her head a little higher on his pillow to come face to face with him. She could feel his breath, it smelled like beer. She traced his eyebrows with one hand, they were perfect. Perfect shape and perfect color for his face. His face was utterly beautiful. She had never knew a man could be this beautiful.


She grazed her fingertips over his lips softly, afraid that he would wake up. She loved his lips. It was really hard for her to not kiss him when they were in the same room. She always watched his lips when he talked and occasionally forgot to listen what he was saying.


She sighed. It wasn’t fair. After all the things she experienced with men, it was totally ridiculous that she would fall for a guy like Michael. She should have known better! Well, actually she did know better! Then why was she not able to just turn her back to him. She knew it wouldn’t work. She was sure it would end badly. She had tried to tell herself that he could never give her the safe life and cozy little family she wanted to have someday. So why was she even afraid to have her fun with him? Why the hell did her heart believe he was the one?


If only she had met him in high school. She was positive that they would have had the time of their lives. And then they could just go on to their separate ways and she wouldn’t have had to dwell in this misery now.


She took his big hand in her small one. She might be confused over how she felt about him but she definitely was in love with his hands. She took her time studying it. Touching, softly caressing his rough skin. An image of his hand washing the dishes came into her mind. She smiled. She loved watching him do things. Like when he wiped the table after dinner or when he showed her how to clean Tabasco stains from the carpet…


She snuggled close to him and surrendered to sleep still feeling his hand in hers. And in that hazy place between the real world and the dream world, something found her. Some dream, fantasy, vision, coming from somewhere too close to her heart.


Maria was lying in a hammock in a garden that smelled like roses. The sky above her was clear and there were a few birds singing around her. She felt peace as she lay there and watched the top branches of the trees reaching high up sway silently in the light breeze. Then she heard a noise and turned towards it.


There was a small house with cute little windows. She got up and felt the warm grass under her feet. She walked towards the door, her hair tickling her bare arms. The door was open, she stepped inside without hesitation. There was a kitchen and a living room, not too luxurious but not too shabby as well. Furniture were simple. The house wasn’t too tidy or too sterile, there were some clothes thrown around and some pieces of a puzzle sitting on the coffee table.


She saw a flight of stairs and started climbing. Stairs were old and some of them creaked as she stepped on them. But the sound wasn’t disturbing really, it was strangely familiar and relaxing. When she reached upstairs she found a half open door to her right. She went near careful to not make any noise while she had no idea why.


She pushed the door and it opened silently and easily. Sun shone through the open window to enlighten a small, pink room. There was a man, his back turned to her looking out the window. His arms were folded in the front and his head was slightly tipped down. She recognized the hair immediately and went near him with a smile. He sensed her presence and turned around slowly. Before she saw what he was holding so gently in his arms, she noticed his expression.


He was calm and the lines of scowl in his face were gone. In his arms was a bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. He raised his eyes to meet hers and gave her a small smile that somehow meant something secret which he would only share with her. She reached for him in a daze, almost like she was drawn to him. Her small hand slowly caressed his cheek as he watched her with that knowing smile.


He gave her the baby. She was scared to hold something so fragile but it was irresistible. She held the baby in her arms and felt him wrap his arm around her waist. Now she knew exactly what his smile meant. It was the feeling. The feeling the little bundle in her arms and the man touching her made her feel. It was peace. She smiled that knowing smile of having solved the greatest mystery ever.


Maria looked out the window. She saw the garden with the flowers, another house not far away, more trees and the clear sky… Then she raised her head a little more and looked farther. There it was. The castle. The black castle which she knew was huge and scary and cold. It was far away and looked so small she almost believed she imagined it. But a part of her knew it was there. It would always be there. But it didn’t scare her anymore. It was now just a reminder not a threat. A reminder of a chapter in her life she finally felt was over.


Maria sighed and placed her head on his chest unconsciously and let herself drift off to a peaceful slumber.


Michael opened his eyes and found himself on top of a slightly shaking Maria. He was still inside her. He felt rage take over his body. Not really with a specific reason. Just pure rage and hatred engulfed his heart. He slid off her and jumped out of the bed. He only had one thought in his head. He had to get out of there. He hurriedly found his boxers and put them on. He then made the biggest mistake of his life and looked at her.


She was still sprawled on the bed, unable to move because of the tremors still shaking her. The golden waves he buried his face just moments ago were spread over her shoulders, curling around her soft breasts. His eyes found hers in a moment of weakness and the look in them almost made him change his mind, be a more courageous man for her.


Her big, green eyes held a look full of hurt and fear. Then he remembered her vision, the look in her eyes there. The look of peace and trust. He almost laughed at himself for hoping. He could put only hurt and fear in her eyes, in her heart, not peace and trust. He wasn’t capable of anything better.


He quickly walked towards the door, afraid what his powers would cause if he stayed any longer. And he said the words that would plague her dreams…


“This was a mistake.”


- - -


Michael sat right in front of the door, not really able to walk or even breathe for that matter. He half expected her to burst out of the room and yell at him. He hoped, but she never came. He waited for the rustling of sheets as she moved to get up, but that didn’t come either. After fifteen minutes he heard what he expected the least.


“No… Michael…”


Her voice was a whisper choked with what he suspected were silent tears. Then he ran… Out the door, out of her house, out of her life; unable to stop to get some clothes, unable to care about the exploding street lights… He ran. As he always did.


- - -


Tom checked out of the motel and walked towards his rental car. The car was green. He hated green. He could see why Maria would want to get out of that place. Roswell was just a tourist trap, nothing more. A small town surrounded by nothing but desert for miles. He couldn’t wait to go back to LA.


Tom drove towards Maria’s house, occasionally checking the directions she gave him and planned the day in his head. Their flight was in 6 hours. They could have lunch with Maria’s friends in that café Maria talked so much about, they would have plenty of time to drive to the airport and maybe buy some souvenirs on the way.


He parked in front of the house and got out of the car. The door was open, he stepped inside telling himself that there was nothing to panic. The house was silent, so he walked upstairs.


“Mars?? Hello?”


He found her in the big bedroom. The room was a mess, clothes thrown everywhere. It didn’t go unnoticed that there was a tux thrown in that heap of clothes. He shook his head and smiled. So he slept with the guy. He was surprised she waited this long.


But there was something wrong with the picture. Maria was lying in the middle of the bed, wrapped in sheets and still. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her eyes were closed but she wasn’t asleep. She almost looked like a scared kid waiting for the monster to get out of the closet.


He sat on the bed and reached for her face. She opened her eyes; big, scared and swollen, and looked at him with so much pain he felt his own tears threatening to spill. His voiced dropped to a whisper.


“What happened Mars? Are you okay babe?” He caressed her cheek softly. Tears started spilling down her face again. She tried to talk but nothing came out.


He didn’t insist. It was better to get her distracted and on her feet, then he would learn what happened. “Sssh. It’s okay. Let’s get you out of this bed.”


Tom helped her up her feet and in the bathroom. He prepared her a warm bath and went to her room to pack her stuff. Whatever her problem was she needed to get out. Out of this house or maybe even Roswell.


- - -


The day was so not going the way Tom had planned. It had taken him two hours to pack Maria’s clothes and get her out of the tub. Once she was out of the water she seemed to gather herself together. She wasn’t crying anymore at least.


She was running around the house looking for anything forgotten. She looked pissed but Tom was glad that she was back among the living.


The house was a mess because of the reception they had in the backyard. Cleaning was due the next day since noone was supposed to be home for two weeks. But it was impossible to find Maria’s earrings or hairpins or other small unnecessary stuff she had spread around.


Maria rushed upstairs and walked in Michael’s room. She looked around the room almost frantically till she found what she was looking for. It was his favorite and oldest Metallica t-shirt.


She took it from where it lay on the floor and walked hurriedly towards the door and stopped abruptly when the smell hit her. Michael. Tears threatened to spill. A big knot formed in her throat. She couldn’t help but bury her face in it and inhale deeply like it could bring him back in her arms.


No! She was stronger than this. She threw the t-shirt where she found it and held her head up defiantly.


Just as she was going out the door she couldn’t resist and turned back. She snatched the t-shirt again. Then she remembered the look in his eyes as he said that last words to her. How? How the hell did he have the guts to do that to her?


By the time Tom came up to find her she had had grabbed and dropped the t-shirt ten or twelve times. And when Tom came in he found her kicking the black lump and mumbling to herself.


He decided that it would be probably best to leave right then or she would burn the house down. He pulled her out of the room but not before she grabbed the worn t-shirt and clutched it to her chest.


- - -


Maria was in silence till they reached her house. It was one long boring journey with Tom trying to start conversation and Maria staring out the window.


When they reached her home Maria sighed with relief. Home. Safe. She saw her Beetle parked in the front and smiled to herself. Her little but colorful life was still here. So she didn’t really die the night before although she could swear she felt her heart stop.


Tom was reluctant to let her go home alone but she looked like she needed some time to put herself together. So he left promising to come back for breakfast.


- - -


“Hello?”


“Oh, hi… Ria, it’s me Kyle.”


“Hey Kyle. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye before I left. I was kinda in a hurry.”


“No, it’s okay. Actually I was calling to say that I’m coming there.”


“What? Here? You mean LA? Why?”


“Well, I need to get away from Roswell. I’m kinda sick of this place you know. I spent my whole life here and it sucks. And now dad’s married… I thought I could try LA for a while.”


“Oh god! Really? This is so great! You know you can stay with me, I have an extra room and all.”


“Hey, thanks! At least I can torture you till I find my own place.”


“So when are you coming?”


“Some time this week. I have some things to settle here, then I’ll be there as soon as I can.”


“Alright, see you then! Call me before you come so I can come and get you from the airport okay?”


“Okay. Thanks a lot Ria. You’re such a cool chick! I don’t know why we never dated.”


“Yeah, you have no idea what you missed! Okay, get your ass here quick, I’ll be waiting.”


“See you sis!”


“You bet!”


- - -


Maria was sitting in her balcony wearing a black Metallica t-shirt and clutching a spiky haired alien doll. She looked at the stars but couldn’t see the bright ones she saw in Roswell. Her heart sank. Like she left a piece of herself back there.


For a minute she let herself think what he could be doing at that moment. Was he watching the stars, was he thinking about her? She let out a bitter chuckle. Of course not. He was the one that left. She was the weak one, he was strong enough to walk away.


It didn’t really matter anymore. She had been confused over where they were going with this… thing between them but he put that thought to an end. So now it didn’t matter how good it felt to have his fingers in her hair or how his smile made her knees weak. It was over before it became something. And now it didn’t matter. She wasn’t sure if anything would ever matter again.

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