Part 8 - Flashes

Darkness. Everything was dark. It was quiet, and so easy to just let go.

Then there was light again, and pain. So much pain. And the light blinded her.

Then she saw it. She saw him. The memories and feelings came in a flood - a kaleidoscope of emotions and colors that swirled by her, making her dizzy. But she couldn't look away from them, any more than she could ever look away from him.

~Flash~
He was holding her in his arms, kissing her so gently, afraid to let go because she might run. He couldn't believe that she was there again, and there was no telling how far she might go if he ever let her have the chance. He didn't want to let her get away, even though he knew he would have to eventually. But not right now. She could still be his for this moment.

~Flash~
He watched as she put her arm through Brody's and led him away. For one moment, he felt the same fire burn through him that he had felt the day he killed Pierce. His hands heated up. He wanted to let go, to let his fire out and destroy Brody, but he held back. An attack on Brody would only put Maria in more danger, and he couldn't allow that. He had to protect her from himself.

~Flash~
He pulled her closer to him in the eraser room, barely listening to her talk about that party. Why did she insist on asking him for things he couldn't give? All he had was now, not nearly enough, but it would have to do. Putting his mouth on hers, he stopped her talking.

~Flash~
The panic nearly overwhelmed him as he thought of her being gone - vanished like the rest of Roswell. He couldn't even imagine a world without her in it somewhere. He knew that he was dangerous - it if wasn't for them, she'd be safe. Then she walked through the door with Liz, and he couldn't help himself. He ran to her and pulled her close again, in his relief allowing himself one more stolen moment when they could be together.

~Flash~
Standing in the light reflected from the Granolith, he held out his hands to her. Never before had he let himself be so open to another living soul. But he needed to know - he needed to find out if she could accept his apology and accept him. His heart soared when she took his hands in hers.

~Flash~
He walked down the street with Max and Isabel to the Crashdown. He smiled and gave a rare laugh, enjoying the time with his friends, feeling the safety and belonging he always did when they were together. Knowing that he could never leave them, that he would be empty without them.

~Flash~
A younger him, hiding in the closet from the big man. The man was yelling at him, telling him to come out. The boy huddled in a small ball in the corner, hoping that he could somehow go unseen. The door swung open, and the man entered.

~Flash~
He closed his eyes and braced himself, waiting for the blow, He reeled back, trying to ignore the pain. Any cries he might make would only make things worse. The man hit him again, causing him to fall back against the wall. Desperately, he tried to think of anything other than his punishment, trying not to think of Max and Isabel, and what they would say if they knew that he was this bad that he needed to be hit so often. Ignoring his silent tears, he stood still to take the rest of his punishment.

~Flash~
He watched in fear as Hank turned on Isabel. No! Isabel wasn't like him - she didn't deserve to be hit by Hank. For the first time ever, he felt his hands begin to heat up. He directed his anger at Hank and watched in shock as the gun went off and the refrigerator went flying. Hank looked at him, recognizing him for the monster that he was.

~Flash~
He stood in the rain watching her get ready for bed. On the other side of the glass was everything he had ever dreamed of, everything he knew he wasn't worthy of - safety, love, warmth. A dream.

~Flash~
Somehow he was in the dream. She held him safe throughout the night. He cried for them both - for the girl who didn't deserve what he had brought into her life and for the boy who could never be what she needed.

~Flash~
He saw the punch coming, but didn't duck. Despite all his efforts, Max had finally found him out. As Max's fist hit his face and he went falling, he knew that now his best friend knew the truth about him, too. How long until Maria knew what he was and left him too?

~Flash~
He felt the fire burn through his veins again, but this time he let it out. He watched in satisfaction as Pierce's eyes registered his knowledge of what was coming. For a second, he thought about pulling back a bit, not letting it all loose, but then he remember how Max had looked in the White Room. He watched as Pierce went flying back like a rag doll and nodded as he heard the noise of his snapping neck. One less enemy to worry about.

~Flash~
He opened the door to see Maria standing there. He saw the shock in her eyes, and the pain that was there too often when she looked at him. Pain mixed with hope, but as Courtney called out from the bathroom, he could see the hope in her eyes die. He watched her arm swing up, and didn't duck.

~Flash~
He was standing alone in the cold desert, looking at the other two children. They held out their hands to him, but he couldn't take them. He was afraid. He knew that he needed to be with them, that he belonged with them, but there was something else. He was afraid, and as the bright lights came closer, he turned and ran away.

~Flash~
He broke out of the pod chamber and looked around. Through the thin walls, he could see the other three children. He considered waiting, but knew he had to leave. He put out his hand and watched the wall move. Without looking back, he left the cave.

~Flash~
Despite the fact that he could barely breathe, he kept on running. Just a bit more, he told himself as he avoided the dead bodies lying along the way. He ran through the hallways, taking turns at a break-neck speed. He kept running, even though he knew he was too late. He only stopped when he saw the body lying there, and knew that it was his fault.

-------------------------------------------------

With a gasp, Maria opened her eyes. She looked around wildly, half expecting someone to attack her. The fear in her visions had been so overwhelming. She noticed that Michael was holding her.

She stared at Michael. Was this what he felt all the time - that overwhelming terror? How could a person live like that? Throughout the visions, the only bright shining hope she had felt was when he looked at her, and even those moments were tinged with fear - the fear of losing her, of hurting her.

"Michael," she started weakly, but her interrupted her.

"Keep quiet," he said, his gentle tone going oddly with the gruff words. "You just hit your head hard. You need to rest."

"Michael," she insisted. "I saw things." He looked at her blankly. "I saw you - your memories."

Realizing what she was saying, Michael looked away. "I'm sorry, Maria. It was the only thing I could think of to do."

The truth slowly dawned on her. "You saved me, didn't you? You brought me back somehow." Michael didn't answer, but she knew it was true. "Thank you."

Michael looked back at her then. "For what? For getting you into a situation where aliens almost got you killed? For causing you even more danger?"

Maria reached up and touched his cheek. "When are you going to stop blaming yourself, Michael? None of this was your fault. You were just a little boy, Michael. You didn't deserve Hank." Michael's expression turned from embarrassment to shock. "You didn't deserve any of it."

"You saw Hank in my mind?" Michael whispered. "God, Maria." He couldn't say anything else. Hank was something that he had dealt with alone. He hadn't even wanted Max or Isabel to know about him. And now he had put Maria through that, too.

"I saw lots of things," she said. Then she took a deep breath. "Michael, I think I saw memories from your past life, too."

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