Part 4 - Regrets

Maria desperately tried to concentrate on the road in front of her, not on what she had just seen in Michael's apartment. No such luck. All she could see was the image of Michael and Isabel locked together in an embrace. In her mind, she kept hearing Michael's words from yesterday.

"Rath made me realize a few things, things about who we all are, things about who I am."

Rath made Michael realize some things about who he was. And what did they know about Rath? Besides the fact that he had worst taste in hairstyles than Michael and plenty of piercings? He killed Zan and Ava, and he followed his destiny with Lonnie. That had been clear from the first. Maria could tell that Rath and Lonnie were together from the way they interacted physically with each other, the vibes they sent to each other. That was another thing Michael and Rath both had - they sent out vibes that seemed to electrify the atmosphere around them. Being around them was like being in the middle of a thunderstorm. So, Rath and Lonnie were together together, although it seemed to be a rather open relationship if one took into consideration the way Rath had made a play for Liz and the way Lonnie had eyed Michael speculatively, almost as if she was comparing him with Rath.

Well, it looked like Rath had managed to convince Michael that Destiny wasn't all bad. Michael and Isabel had finally decided to give it a try.

Maria realized that she was crying way too much to be able to keep on driving. At this rate, she was going to end up in an accident, and she had no intention of getting herself hurt because of him. She pulled over and parked. She took out a vial of cypress oil and tried a sniff, but put it back quickly in disgust. Somehow, cypress oil's calming properties seemed to have less effect on her since the entrance of Michael Guerin in her life. After she dried her eyes, she looked about and saw that she had driven by habit to the Crashdown. For a second, she thought about going inside and talking to Liz, but she quickly put that idea aside. The last thing she needed right now was a lecture from Liz on how she had been right to walk away from the aliens in order to let them follow their destinies. Destiny. She had really come to hate that word.

Instead, Maria got out of the car and walked across the street to the UFO Center. She needed to talk to someone, and if Liz was out of the question, then that left Max. She just hoped he was still at work.

"Max?" she called out as she walked down the stairs. The lights were still on, but there were no tourists around. The place must have just been closing up for the evening.

"Maria? Is that you?" Brody Davis walked out of his apartment. "I'm sorry, but Max has already left for the day. Can I help you?"

Maria shook her head in disappointment. She really did like Max's boss, but right then she needed to talk to someone who would at least have a chance of understanding the messed-up love lives of Czechoslovakians and humans. "Thanks, anyway. I just wanted to talk to him, but I'll catch up with him later. It's not important anyway."

As she turned to walk back out, Brody thought quickly for a reason to stop her. "Wait, Maria." She stopped and looked back. "Hold on a minute."

Brody ran back into his office, reappearing almost immediately, holding a paper in his hands. "Sidney asked me to give this to you the next time I saw you."

Maria took the paper and looked down at it. There was a crayon picture of a woman on the paper. Based on the long yellow hair and the "Maria" written under it in childish script, Maria figured out that it was a portrait of her. She looked questioningly at Brody.

"She really enjoys the time you spend with her, Maria," he explained quietly. "She wanted to make you a present to thank you for taking her to the zoo last weekend."

"I had a great time. She's really an amazing little girl."

"Yes, she is. And you're amazing, too. It means a lot to me that you take the time to spend with her." Brody took a deep breath and went on. "Her mother left when she was just a baby, so she's never really had a woman around before. I appreciate the fact that you're there for her now." It was the first time Brody had ever mentioned Sidney's mother, and Maria could see how uncomfortable it made him.

She thought about Sidney's mother leaving her daughter like that. How could people just leave the ones they were supposed to love? When you loved someone, you were supposed to stay with them. Maria thought of her own father, leaving his wife and daughter and never looking back. And then there was Michael, Mr. I Love You Too Much to Stay. It just hurt too much sometimes.

Brody saw the tears she was trying to not let fall. Worried, he led her over to a chair and sat down next to her. "Maria, what's the matter?"

She shook her head. "Nothing." At his look of disbelief, she went on. "Really, it's nothing. Just some stupid relationship stuff. Nothing you need to worry about. I'll be fine."

"How many days have you spent listening to me talk about my problems raising Sidney alone? And how many times have you listened to my abduction stories? Without calling for a mental health professional, too? Not to mention the fact that you're the only waitress I've ever had who makes sure I get pepperjack on my sandwiches each and every time." Maria gave an almost-smile at his gently teasing words. Encouraged, he went on. "So, you can definitely tell me what's upsetting you. It can't possibly be stupid if it's hurting you this much."

"Okay." Maria felt like she was going to explode if she didn't talk to someone, and she trusted Brody. Maybe not enough to tell him about the Pod Squad, but enough for this. "You know my sometimes-boyfriend Michael Guerin?"

Brody nodded. "Big grumpy guy at the Crashdown? The one with the hair?"

"Yep, that's pretty much him in a nutshell. Well, I really thought we were working through everything, but it turns out I was wrong. He shot me down and I just caught him with another girl. The thing that really really gets me is he was honest with me. He told me that it wasn't going to ever work with him. I just didn't listen." Maria turned and looked at Brody. "I'm just so tired of people leaving me. How pathetic is that?"

Brody shook his head. "You're not anywhere near pathetic, Maria. Although he is. I mean it, Maria. Any man who was lucky enough to have you is an idiot to want someone else. You're much better off without him."

"It just hurts so much Brody. I always thought I could handle anything, that I was strong enough to be alone and get through anything. I don't like how much I want and need him in my life. I don't know who I am anymore."

Brody smiled at her and shrugged. "You're Maria DeLuca."

Maria smiled and laughed through her tears. "That simple, huh?"

"That simple. You're Maria and he's an idiot. Amazingly simple."

Maria brushed away her tears. "Strangely enough, just having someone tell me that Michael's an idiot does make me feel a little better. Not a lot, but a little. Thanks." Maria picked up the picture again and looked at it. "She's a very lucky little girl to have a father like you. She adores you, you know."

"Well, the feeling is mutual. I have an idea. How would you like to come over for dinner with us tonight? She would love to see you, and I promise to have an evening of alien-free conversation."

"Sounds great. Thanks, Brody." Maria leaned over to give him a hug.

"That's settled, then," he said briskly. "Just let's lock up and go."

"Can you give me a minute to make myself presentable?"

"You're already the most lovely girl in Roswell, but go ahead."

Maria walked away, shaking her head and laughing. "Flattery isn't going to get you out of your tips, you know." She went in the bathroom and looked at her face in the mirror. Definitely flattery. She threw some water on her face and took out her make-up bag to try and repair the damage done by crying over one cheating alien.

It really is too bad that you can't like Brody more, she thought as she put on some new make-up. He's rich, he's crazy about you, and he's an absolutely terrific father. Maria paused in putting on the lipstick as she thought back to her own father, what little she could remember. She could never think of him without having that same sick feeling of loneliness that she had the day he walked out, just like Michael had walked away up those same steps out there in the museum last May. What good was love if nobody ever stayed? But Brody stayed. He stayed by his daughter even when she was so sick and almost died. Thank God for Max. If Brody had lost Sidney he would have been destroyed. Now that was love. Maria had spent enough time with the Davis family to know that Sidney's smile was the single most important thing in Brody's life. She hoped that someday she would have that sort of unquestioning unconditional love given to her. And let's not forget the fact that Brody has those two most important attractive qualities in a man - alien-related problems and out-of-control hair.

Maria laughed as she put her cosmetics back in her bag and checked herself out in the mirror. Much better. No more puffy eyes. No more tear marks and dirt going down her face. She looked ready to face the world. And who knew? Maybe she should give Brody more of a chance. Too bad that Brody's hugs, while nice and comforting, never made her body tingle the way that just being in the same room with Michael did. Michael made every single cell in her body feel alive, like she had found the missing piece to herself. She felt on fire when she was with him, but was also at her most peaceful when she looked in his eyes. She shook her head ruefully. Her life with Michael Guerin was filled with contradictions. It made no sense that when she finally decided to trust a guy and make him vital to her life, it would be an alien who had serious commitment issues and an old girlfriend from fifty years ago. Figured.

"Okay, Brody, I'm ready to go," Maria called out as she walked back down to the main room. She noticed that the room was empty. "Oh, Brody?" she called as she turned around slowly. Still no Brody. Great, and I was just thinking about how he wasn't the type to walk out on a girl. "Brody? I didn't take that long. What's up?" She walked over to the door to his private office, and opened it.

The first thing she saw was Brody lying unconscious on the floor.

The second thing she saw was a strange man, complete with sunglasses and peeling skin, picking something up off Brody's desk.

The first thought she had was that the strange-looking pentagon shaped object he was picking up was a strange choice for a theft.

The second thing she thought was, "A Skin. Of course. Great. Just great."

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